What’s Occurring, Butt?
Only in the bizarre, glitter-drenched circus that is the MTV VMAs could someone manage to make a tribute to Ozzy Osbourne — the Prince of Darkness, the mad Brummie bat-biter himself — feel like a lukewarm karaoke night in Pontins. And who’s here to call it out? None other than Dan Hawkins, lead shredder of The Darkness, keeper of the riffs, and the man responsible for half the twin-guitar thunder that gave us Permission to Land.
Dan didn’t just roll his eyes at MTV’s efforts — he branded the whole thing “nauseating.” And you know what? He might just have a point, mun.
So grab a pint, stick No More Tears on in the background, and let’s break this down Riff Report–style: chaos, context, and plenty of cheek. 🍻
Ozzy Osbourne: The Unpackageable Legend 🦇
Before we even get to the VMAs debacle, let’s remind ourselves why Ozzy is so bloody hard to pay tribute to properly.
- The Voice: That haunting, Brummie-soaked wail that turned Sabbath riffs into doomsday sermons. You don’t just cover that voice. You either do it with conviction or you sound like a Poundland impression.
- The Antics: The bat, the dove, the piss on the Alamo. Ozzy’s life is one long list of “did he really do that?” moments. And yes, he did.
- The Chaos: Sabbath practically invented heavy metal. Not in some corporate boardroom, but in the sweaty pubs of Birmingham, fuelled by ale, hash, and the sheer will to drown out factory noise with something louder.
Try turning that into a shiny, choreographed MTV segment. Go on. It’s like trying to fit Lemmy into a boyband. 🥴
MTV’s Tribute: More Glitter Than Grit ✨
So what did MTV give us at the VMAs? According to Hawkins and a legion of unimpressed fans, a sanitised stage show with lights, dancers, and enough auto-cue polish to make you forget this was supposed to honour metal’s maddest frontman.
It wasn’t raw.
It wasn’t chaotic.
It wasn’t even a little bit dangerous.
It was, to steal Hawkins’ words, “nauseating.”
Instead of fire and brimstone, it felt like watching someone’s musical theatre project. You half expected Andrew Lloyd Webber to pop up and belt out Crazy Train in a top hat. 🎩
Dan Hawkins: Why His Words Matter 🎸
Now, let’s not forget — Dan Hawkins isn’t just some rando Twitter warrior mouthing off. The Darkness might be best known for I Believe in a Thing Called Love (and Justin’s catsuit), but they’re also torchbearers of big riffs, silly showmanship, and unapologetic rock excess.
If anyone understands the balance between parody and sincerity in rock ‘n’ roll, it’s The Darkness. They’re ridiculous and brilliant — just like Ozzy. Which is exactly why Hawkins took one look at MTV’s tribute and thought: nah, this is bobbins.
Fan Reactions: “More Strictly Than Sabbath” 💃
And Dan wasn’t alone. Metalheads across the internet chimed in with takes sharp enough to cut steel:
- “Looked more like Strictly Come Dancing than Sabbath.”
- “Where was the chaos? Where was the menace? Where was Ozzy?”
- “Should’ve booked Judas Priest or Ghost — at least they’d have nailed the vibe.”
When the best feedback you’re getting is “at least it was colourful,” you know you’ve botched it.
What a Proper Ozzy Tribute Should Look Like 🤘🔥
If you’re gonna honour Ozzy, you don’t roll out backup dancers and confetti cannons. You bring the thunder. You bring the riffs. You bring the madness.
Picture this:
- Tony Iommi walks out with that iconic SG, riffing Iron Man. The crowd loses its collective mind.
- Rob Halford struts in on a motorbike, ripping into Paranoid.
- Zakk Wylde shreds until his strings are bleeding.
- Sharon Osbourne storms the stage and throws champagne at the audience.
- The lights cut. On the big screen, Ozzy’s laugh echoes across the arena: “I am Iron Man!”
That’s a tribute. That’s how you honour a bloke who’s been to hell, back, and then sold the rights for a reality TV show about it. 🤯
Why MTV Always Gets It Wrong 🤦
Here’s the problem, butt: MTV doesn’t do chaos anymore. They do clean, shareable, viral-clip moments. Ozzy isn’t tidy. He’s not PG. He’s not “brand-safe.” He’s a Brummie maniac who made the world fall in love with doom riffs.
Trying to tribute Ozzy on the VMAs stage is like trying to bottle a thunderstorm in a can of Pepsi. You’ll never get the full thing — just a fizzy version that tastes wrong.
The Darkness vs. The Mainstream 🌟
This isn’t just about Ozzy either. The Darkness themselves have always sat at odds with the mainstream. They never fit neatly into MTV’s box. They’re too daft for the metal purists, too heavy for the pop crowd, and too good at actual musicianship for the novelty-song tag.
So when Dan Hawkins sees Ozzy — the godfather of outsider rock ‘n’ roll — getting airbrushed into an MTV spectacle, of course he’s gonna blow his stack.
The Bigger Picture: Sanitising Rock 🤔
This whole saga raises a juicy question: are we heading into an era where rock legends are remembered in glossy montages instead of sweaty chaos?
- Lemmy with a tribute reel instead of a Jack & Coke shrine?
- Kurt Cobain’s “legacy” boiled down to a TikTok dance?
- Ozzy remembered not for the riffs, but for some stagey West End-style send-off?
It’s a terrifying thought, mun.
Our Verdict: Dan Was Spot On 🎯
At The Riff Report, we’re with Dan Hawkins on this one. The VMAs’ Ozzy tribute wasn’t just underwhelming — it was a bit of an insult.
Ozzy deserves fire, chaos, and unhinged spectacle. Not dancers in spandex.
If you want to honour the Prince of Darkness, you don’t make it palatable. You make it loud, messy, and unforgettable. Because that’s Ozzy.
Closing Toast 🍻
So here’s to Dan Hawkins, calling out the nonsense when he sees it. Here’s to Ozzy Osbourne, still the maddest legend in the game. And here’s to keeping rock tributes rock ‘n’ roll, not West End glitter parades.
Long live the bat-biter. Long live the riffs. Long live the chaos. 🤘
💀 Riff Report Metal Rating: 9/10 skulls for Dan Hawkins’ honesty.
1/10 skulls for MTV’s tribute effort.
