A Riff Report Survival Guide to TikTok Fame (Without Selling Your Soul… or Your Nan)
Right then. You’ve downloaded TikTok. You’ve filmed yourself doing a Windmill Headbang while making toast, and maybe even uploaded a duet of your cat meowing along to Rammstein. But have you gone viral yet? Have 12-year-olds from Ohio started remixing your sneeze into EDM drops? Have strangers said, “Oi, you’re that bloke who screamed at a pigeon”?
No?
Don’t worry, we got you. Grab a Monster, slap on some corpse paint, and read on. Here’s 11 no-nonsense, slightly daft ways to go viral on TikTok in 2023 — and maybe even pick up a few followers who aren’t your mam.
1. ⚡ First 3 Seconds – Make ’Em Wet Themselves
TikTokers scroll faster than a drummer on Red Bull. If your video doesn’t grab ’em immediately, it’s dead in the digital ditch.
🔥 Open like this:
- “This guitar solo nearly got me arrested…”
- “POV: You’re my ex and I’ve just made a diss track with a kazoo.”
- “Watch this till the end or you’ll stub your toe tomorrow.”
Front-load the madness. No slow intros. No “Hi guys welcome back to my channel…” — we ain’t got time for that, Linda.
2. 🎶 Use Viral Sounds (But Metal It Up)
TikTok is sound-first. The algorithm’s basically a musical demon that rewards anyone who jumps on a trending audio faster than Dave Grohl on a drum kit.
But here’s the secret sauce: make it your own.
- Turn a Dua Lipa track into a death metal ballad.
- Scream “BARRY FROM WALES” over the Bridgerton theme.
- Add pig squeals to a Lo-Fi study beat.
If they’re using Doja Cat, you use Goatwhore. Go full goblin mode.
3. ⏱️ Ride the Trend Train – FAST
TikTok trends have the lifespan of a Tesco sausage roll left in the sun. If you wait two days, you’re late. If you wait a week, you’re ancient.
To spot trends:
- Check “For You” page
- Search hashtags like #viral, #trendalert
- Spy on what the Gen Z goblins are doing
Then ask yourself: Can I turn this into something chaotic, musical, or accidentally sexy in leather trousers? If yes – film it. Now.
4. 🗓️ Post Often (But Don’t Be a Spam Goblin)
You don’t need to post 11 times a day like some kind of content demon. But consistency is key. TikTok rewards creators who turn up like it’s band practice.
Golden Rule: 3–5 posts a week
Mix it up:
- Day 1: Rant about why Nickelback slaps
- Day 2: Acoustic cover of Enter Sandman with spoons
- Day 3: Stitch a lad getting hit by a flying inflatable flamingo
Stay present. Stay unhinged. Stay glorious.
5. 🎭 Be Ridiculously, Stupidly Yourself
TikTok doesn’t want your filtered, polished Insta self. It wants the gremlin version. The one who talks to themselves in a Brummie accent and makes cereal at 2am.
- Got a thick Welsh accent? Use it.
- Look like Lemmy but scream like Mariah? Brilliant.
- Built a guitar out of Weetabix? Post that RIGHT NOW.
No shame. No filters. Just you and your magnificent chaos.
6. 💬 Text On Screen – Make It Meme-Worthy
Subtitles aren’t just for accessibility. They help people watch in silence at work or school, and let’s face it — we all do that.
Add big, bold, meme-style captions. Be dramatic. Be daft. Be scroll-stopping.
Examples:
- “The exact moment I realised I’d joined a ska band by accident”
- “When the festival toilets are too full and you’ve got IBS”
Text = engagement. Engagement = fame. Fame = free Greggs, probably.
7. 🥊 Start Fights (The Fun Kind)
TikTok LOVES arguments. Drop a spicy take and watch the comments erupt.
- “Panic! At The Disco peaked at High Hopes. Fight me.”
- “Metallica > Megadeth and I’ll die on this hill.”
- “Anyone who skips the intro to Baba O’Riley is a war criminal.”
Controversy = comments = algorithm boost. Just don’t be a twat. Keep it playful, not hateful.
8. 🐕 Pets + Chaos = Views
The holy trinity: Dogs, cats, chaos.
- Dog wearing a battle vest? Post it.
- Cat stepping on your synth mid-song? Instant gold.
- Guinea pig moshing to Slayer? LITERAL VIRAL.
TikTok is powered by animal energy and mild destruction. Embrace it.
9. 🎬 Duet & Stitch – Ride the Wave
Find a trending vid. Hit Stitch or Duet. Add value, humour, or sheer lunacy.
Ideas:
- Duet someone singing beautifully, but you’re just headbanging with a triangle
- Stitch a makeup tutorial with: “This is what I wear to Tesco when Slayer’s in town”
Steal clout — but make it art. Or at least entertaining anarchy.
10. ⏰ Best Times to Post (UK Time)
You’ve made a banger, now don’t post it at 2am when only raccoons are online.
Best times to hit:
- 🕚 11am – Lunch scroll
- 🕔 5–6pm – Home from work scroll
- 🕘 8–10pm – “I should go to bed but I’m watching 38 videos of frogs” scroll
Experiment. Learn. Never post on Sunday at 4:48am unless you’re targeting festival zombies.
11. 📣 End With a CTA (Without Sounding Like an MLM Hun)
You want comments. You want shares. You want the algorithm to scream “YES MUN!”
But don’t beg. Be cheeky.
Examples:
- “Tag a mate who’d wear this to Wetherspoons”
- “What’s your weirdest gig injury?”
- “Like if your nan headbangs harder than you”
And NEVER say “like and follow for more” without adding something fun, savage, or unhinged.
🧨 THE FINAL CHAOTIC RIFF:
Going viral on TikTok isn’t a science — it’s a mosh pit. Sometimes you get trampled. Sometimes you crowd surf to glory. But you’ve got to jump in.
🎸 Be weird.
🎤 Be fast.
🎥 Be unfiltered.
And when in doubt — add a kazoo solo.
💬 TAG US, BUTT!
If this post helped you, tag @theriffreportuk on TikTok with your next video. Whether it’s viral or just you yelling at a pigeon in corpse paint, we want to see it.
We might even feature you… or send you a sticker shaped like a Flying V. 🤘
