“Imagine asking for two scoops and they ask if you want it warm or cold…”
Right then. Strap in, grab a spoon (or maybe don’t), and let’s talk about the latest flavour sensation (abomination?) to hit freezers near you: BREAST. MILK. ICE. CREAM.
Yes, you read that right. You’re not hallucinating. You haven’t accidentally walked into some dystopian supermarket sponsored by Black Mirror. This is real life, mun. And it’s melting fast.
🍨 Wait, who dropped this frozen madness?
The ice cream in question is a limited edition release by NYC’s quirky dessert daredevils OddFellows, in collaboration with maternity brand Frida (you know, the brand that makes those postpartum recovery kits your mate’s partner swore by).
Together, they birthed (pun VERY much intended) a tub of Frida Breast Milk Ice Cream. Proper job? Or proper WHAT THE HELL?
Apparently, this wasn’t just a gimmick — it’s a “celebration of motherhood.” But still… we’re talking about actual breast milk. Not coconut milk. Not oat milk. Human. Milk. From actual people. PUMPED. BLENDED. FROZEN. SERVED.
😳 “Would you like that warm or cold?”
That’s the joke that broke the internet — and frankly, broke us a little too. Just imagine the interaction:
🧍♂️: “Can I get two scoops?”
👩🍳: “Warm or cold, love?”
🧍♂️: “I’m sorry, what kind of crime scene is this?”
At least three of us at The Riff Report gagged into our tea reading that post. Tamping.
🍼 Nutritional? Maybe. Delicious? Debatable.
To be fair, breast milk is technically one of the most nutrient-dense substances on the planet. Babies thrive on it. It’s full of antibodies, good fats, and stuff that science loves.
But that doesn’t mean we want it in a waffle cone.
Chocolate chip titty-chunk swirl isn’t exactly the next big Baskin Robbins drop, is it?
💬 Reactions online? Utter chaos.
The LADBible post that brought this monstrosity to our attention racked up thousands of comments. Reactions ranged from:
- 🤮 “Nah this is where I draw the line.”
- 🍼 “Is it ethically sourced?”
- 🤔 “Honestly wouldn’t mind trying it.”
- 🤡 “Lads, don’t knock it till you suck it.”
And of course, there’s always that one vegan who chimes in with: “See? Now you know how cows feel.”
Only in 2025, mun.
🧪 What does it taste like though?
Reports suggest it tastes… “sweet and creamy with a slightly nutty aftertaste.”
Which honestly doesn’t help. That just sounds like a euphemism your weird uncle would say at a BBQ.
There’s also a distinct risk that some hipster barista is going to start adding it to your flat white next.
🤘 Can we get breast milk metal ice cream next?
If we’re going this far down the rabbit hole, we might as well lean in.
- Iron Maiden’s Milky Madness
- Ozzy’s Ovaltine Overload
- Lactose Against the Machine
- Motorbreast by Metallica
Let’s get weird with it. If KISS can slap their faces on coffins, surely this isn’t the strangest merch collab of all time?
🧊 Final thoughts: Scoop or skip?
Listen. We at The Riff Report have seen some absolutely bizarre things over the years:
- Lemmy’s ashes put into bullets ✅
- A Slipknot fan getting a tattoo on their eyeball ✅
- That time Green Day sold branded UNO cards ✅
But this? This might take the cone.
Would we try it? Look, if it was backstage at Download Festival and we’d had five cans of Monster and a heatstroke hallucination, maybe.
But for now? We’ll stick to boring old vanilla and quietly weep for society.
🎤 Over to you, riffheads!
Would you try breast milk ice cream?
Have you already tried it?
Do you want us to review weird food collabs more often?
Should Greggs do a Breast Milk Bake? (please no)
Tell us in the comments, tag your weirdest mate, and share this post with someone who thought they’d seen everything.
C’mon butt – this world’s gone lactose loco.
#TheRiffReport #IceCreamGoneWrong #WhatTheFridge #OnlyIn2025 #BreastMilkBonanza #TidyOrTerrifying #MoshPitMilkshake
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