With just seven weeks to go until thousands of metalheads descend upon Catton Park for another glorious weekend of riffs, beers and beautiful chaos, The Riff Report feels it’s time to address the giant elephant in the festival field.
Or more specifically…
The giant Ferris wheel that isn’t there.
Every year festival-goers arrive at Bloodstock Open Air expecting the usual festival sights:
🎸 Crushing riffs
🍻 Questionable breakfast choices involving warm lager
🤘 Battle jackets heavier than medieval armour
🔥 Enough black clothing to absorb every ray of sunshine in Derbyshire
But one thing they definitely won’t find is a Ferris wheel.
Sorry, Bloodstockers.
No romantic sunset rides.
No awkward first-date conversations suspended 100 feet in the air.
No overpriced photos where everyone pretends they’re having the time of their lives.
No viral videos of people doing things they definitely shouldn’t be doing on a ride.
Just metal.
Glorious, beautiful metal.
🤘 BLOODSTOCK DOESN’T NEED ONE
Let’s be honest.
If somebody walked into a Bloodstock planning meeting and suggested a Ferris wheel, the response would probably be:
“That’s nice. Anyway, who’s booking the death metal bands?”
And rightly so.
Bloodstock isn’t about gazing across the horizon while eating candy floss.
It’s about discovering your new favourite band before everyone else does.
It’s about watching somebody crowd surf dressed as a Viking at 11am.
It’s about hearing blast beats from three campsites away while trying and failing to get some sleep.
It’s about waking up to the sound of someone opening a can before breakfast and thinking:
“Fair play, butt.”
🍻 THE REAL BLOODSTOCK ATTRACTIONS
Who needs a Ferris wheel when you’ve got:
🔥 Walls of death
🔥 Circle pits
🔥 Air guitar championships in campsites
🔥 Metal karaoke disasters
🔥 People carrying inflatable dinosaurs for absolutely no reason
🔥 That one mate who disappeared on Friday and somehow reappears on Sunday with three new friends and a traffic cone
These are the attractions Bloodstock was built on.
Tradition matters, mun.
⏳ THE COUNTDOWN IS ON
With only seven weeks left, excitement levels are rising faster than the price of festival burgers.
Tents are being dug out of garages.
Battle jackets are being patched.
Holiday requests are being approved.
And somewhere in Britain right now, a Bloodstocker is already arguing that this year they’ll definitely pack less beer.
They won’t.
Nobody ever does.
🤘 SEE YOU IN THE PIT
So while other festivals may offer giant wheels, scenic views and gentle rides through the sky…
Bloodstock offers something much better.
A weekend surrounded by fellow metalheads, incredible bands and enough noise to wake the ancestors.
No Ferris wheel.
No problem.
See you in seven weeks, Bloodstockers.
We’ll be the ones looking for the nearest riff instead. 🤘🔥🍻
What could possibly go wrong?
🤘🔥 The Riff Report Verdict: If Bloodstock ever gets a Ferris wheel, we’ll personally ride it wearing a battle jacket and a corpse-paint moustache. Until then, see you in the pit, butt! 🍻😈
