😂By The Riff Report
So, imagine this: you’re sat at home, munching crisps, when your wife bursts in holding the phone like it’s a ticking bomb.
“Babe, it’s Maynard from Tool!” she says.
You, half-asleep and probably wearing a Slayer hoodie, raise an eyebrow and go, “Yeah right, and I’m joining Metallica next week.”
But here’s the kicker — it wasn’t Maynard.
It was Lars Ulrich. 😳
Yep, the Danish drum demon himself, phoning you up because he wants you to audition for Metallica. Cue immediate panic, cold sweats, and a sudden urge to practise Master of Puppets until your fingers bleed. 🎸💀
The Call That Changed Everything (Then Changed Nothing)
You pick up the phone, Lars says hello, and suddenly your whole world shifts. You’re thinking: This is it. This is the moment I become part of the most legendary metal band in history.
Fast forward a few weeks — you’ve smashed the audition, you’ve jammed with James, Kirk, and Lars, and for a split second… you’re in.
And then… you’re not. 😬
Because Metallica decide to hire Robert Trujillo, a man who can play bass, surf, and headbang at the same time.
Meanwhile, you’re sat at home refreshing your email like: Maybe Lars will call back? Maybe they need a triangle player?
“My Wife Thought It Was a Prank Call from Maynard!”
That’s not just a line — that’s the true start of this poor musician’s story. His wife genuinely thought the call from Lars was a joke.
Imagine the look on her face when she realised she hung up on Metallica.
That’s one of those “we don’t talk about it at Christmas” moments. 🎄😂
From Dream to ‘Maybe Next Time’
Let’s be real — getting a call from Metallica is the stuff of dreams. Getting to audition? Absolute legend move. Not getting the gig? Well… that’s still more metal than 99% of us will ever be.
Because how many of us can say Lars Ulrich personally rang us up — and we lived to tell the tale? 🤘
You might not end up touring the world, but you’ve got a killer story for the pub. Every time someone moans about their boss, you can just lean back and go:
“Yeah, well… my boss could’ve been James Hetfield.” 😎
Moral of the Story?
If your phone rings and the name looks weird — answer it anyway.
Because in the world of rock and roll, it might not be spam.
It might just be Metallica.
And if you don’t get the job?
At least you’ve got a story worth headbanging to. 🤟🔥
The Riff Report Verdict:
⭐ Coolest rejection ever: 10/10
⭐ Chance of recovery: 0/10 (you’ll be telling this story forever)
⭐ Lars calling you personally: Priceless
🎸 Read more tales of rock legends, near-misses, and chaotic auditions only at The Riff Report — where metal dreams meet pub-level storytelling.
