The Riff Report Blog โ powered by pints, chaos, and pure Welsh cheek, mun! ๐ด๐ค
๐ฌ HOLLYWOOD MEETS MANCHESTERโฆ SORT OF
Imagine this:
You are Noel Gallagher โ the man who wrote Wonderwall, the man who accidentally soundtracked every GCSE break-up in Britain, the man who could sneeze into a mic and still headline Glastonbury.
Now imagine you spend EIGHT HOURS at dinner with Robert flipping De Niro โ THE Robert De Niro, mafia menace of Goodfellas, taxi-ranter of Taxi Driver, and king of the disappointed glare.
Eight.
Solid.
Hours.
And after all that?
Bobby D looks Noel dead in the eye and goes:
๐ โSoโฆ what band were you in again?โ
This is the greatest comedy crossover since the Chuckle Brothers tried DIY.
๐คฃ DE NIROโS ENERGY: โI DONโT KNOW YOU, PALโ
Picture the vibes at that table:
Noel: โSo anyway, after Knebworthโฆโ De Niro: โMmm.โ Noel: โAnd then Liam threw a plum at me.โ De Niro: โInteresting.โ De Niroโs brain: โDid I leave the oven on?โ
The man has stared down Joe Pesciโฆ
โฆbut could not recognise the bloke who wrote half of Britainโs karaoke catalogue.
๐ THE EIGHT-HOUR PLOT TWIST
Right at the end, after two lunches, one dinner, four bottles of wine, and probably fourteen Liam insults, De Niro finally asks the big question:
๐ โWhat band were you in again?โ
NOELโS SOUL: leaves his body
NOELโS FACE: polite smile
NOELโS INNER MONOLOGUE: pure Mancunian thunder
Proper job, Bobby. Proper job. ๐ญ๐คฃ
๐ฅ IF LIAM WAS THEREโฆ CINEMA.
Imagine it:
Liam storms in wearing a parka in 40-degree heat, tambourine in hand, shouting:
โOI ROBERT! YOU TALKINโ TO ME OR YOU TALKINโ TO OUR KID? SORT IT OUT, YA MUPPET!โ
De Niro retires from acting on the spot.
๐ OASIS VS GOODFELLAS โ THE SHOWDOWN WE DESERVE
De Niro has survived:
Gangsters Hitmen Joe Pesci wielding household objects as weapons
But he could not surviveโฆ
Noel Gallagher Explains Oasis Lore (1991โ2009 Edition)
Lord help him.
๐ธ THE RIFF REPORT VERDICT
This is, without doubt, one of the funniest celeb stories ever told.
The chaos.
The confusion.
The absolute Mancunian tragedy of it all.
Eight hours of Noel Gallagher.
Zero recognition from De Niro.
Iconic.
Tidy as you like, mun. ๐ค๐๐ฅ
Donโt look back in anger
