📍 Upcote Farm, Cheltenham – Saturday, July 12, 2025
✍️ The Riff Report | Legs gone, voice gone, spirit flying somewhere above the Forest Stage
☀️ Saturday: The Final Stretch Into the Pit of Glory
Saturday at Trees hits different. You’re knackered. You’ve forgotten what your bed feels like. You’ve got glitter in places glitter should never be. But somehow — you still want one more mosh, one more emotional breakdown, and one more £9 halloumi wrap.
And Trees, bless it, gives you all that and more.
With Creeper’s gothic pomp, Empire State Bastard’s sonic assault, Dune Rats’ unhinged Aussie party-punk, and Jamie bloody Lenman doing his 64th set of the weekend, Saturday was the perfect farewell party to a weekend of riffs, rain, and raging joy.
🎸 MAIN STAGE MADNESS: THE LAST STAND
🦇 Creeper
The Southampton goth-punk heroes brought the biggest theatrics of the weekend. Will Gould stalked the stage like a glam rock vampire overlord, commanding an army of eyelinered emos.
“Ghost Brigade” hit hard. “Black Rain” had the field howling like werewolves in black denim. And “Midnight” turned into a forest-wide singalong, complete with actual tears from that one bloke in a corset near the barrier.
They looked like villains. They sounded like gods. They played like it was the apocalypse. Tidy.
💣 Empire State Bastard
If you weren’t obliterated by this set, check your pulse. Simon Neil (yes, Biffy himself) and Mike Vennart delivered pure sonic violence. No compromise, no chatter — just an hour of blackened sludge-grind terror. And yes, Dave Lombardo was back there, drumming like he’d been summoned by Satan himself.
“Stutter” and “Moi?” hit with the force of an angry rhino in a thunderstorm. Half the crowd loved it. The other half stared in stunned, horrified awe. That’s Trees for ya.
🍻 Dune Rats
Aussie pop-punk party goblins? YES MUN. They stumbled on stage like they’d just finished a 12-pack of Carlton Dry and launched straight into “Scott Green”, prompting the most chaotic, joyful pit of the day.
Beach balls flew. People danced in ponchos. One guy turned up in just a bin bag and Crocs. “Stoner Pop” was an anthem. Trees turned into a sweaty, Antipodean rock disco, and we never wanted to leave.
“This song’s about doing mushrooms and watching cartoons. You’re welcome!” – actual Dune Rats quote. 10/10, no notes.
🎪 CAVE & NEU STAGES – STILL UNHINGED, STILL BEAUTIFUL
💀 Heriot (again)
Because one set wasn’t enough, Heriot came back for round two, and this time they brought even more feral energy. Debbie Gough stomped through that tent like she was reclaiming the earth from the humans. It was hellfire. It was heavy. It was heaven.
🧼 Jamie Lenman (again, again)
The man is part of the furniture now. Somehow finding time between 8 other sets, Lenman gave us a final full-band bangerfest on the Cave Stage. “It’s Hard to Be a Gentleman” turned into a crowd-wide scream therapy session, and “Body Popping” made us realise we have nothing left in the tank.
But for Jamie? We danced anyway.
🎧 Tokky Horror
Chaos merchants supreme, Tokky Horror melted minds in the Neu tent with their blend of electro, punk, rave, and general sonic f***ery. “Girlracer” caused a rave pit. A guy dressed as Mario crowd-surfed upside-down. No one knew what was happening, but we were into it.
🌲 FOREST STAGE: EMOTIONAL WRECKAGE CENTRAL
The last day of Forest Stage is always a moment. You go down there for a quiet cry and leave spiritually reborn. Saturday delivered big time:
- James & The Cold Gun – Welsh fuzz-rock fury meets acoustic soul. Surprising, touching, and sounding massive even on wood and strings.
- A.A. Williams – Her voice floated through the trees like a ghost begging for a hug. “Evaporate” had us crumpled on the forest floor.
- Jamie Lenman (AGAIN?!) – Yes, again. Acoustic. Emotional. Beautiful. Man’s basically been cloned.
🍕 GRUB REPORT – THE LAST SUPPER
- 🌮 Halloumi Wrap of Destiny – £9, 14 mins wait, but cured our hangover and possibly our trauma.
- 🍩 Deep-fried vegan doughnuts – Spiritual experience.
- 🍔 Burger that cost £12 and changed lives. Worth it? YES. Financially stable? No.
And shoutout to the mad geniuses who turned their gazebo into a makeshift toastie bar for the whole campsite. Legends.
🚽 TOILET WATCH – DAY 4: TO HELL AND BACK
- Several toilets now officially sentient.
- One cubicle had a disco ball and glowsticks.
- Someone carved “I SHAT AT TREES” into the door. Iconic.
🏆 SATURDAY RIFF REPORT AWARDS
| 🏅 Category | Winner |
|---|---|
| Best Set | Creeper – goths unite and thrive |
| Heaviest Moment | Empire State Bastard – pure sonic obliteration |
| Wildest Crowd | Dune Rats – bin bag pit dance supremacy |
| Emotional Wreck Point | A.A. Williams, Forest Stage |
| Most Gigs Per Person | Jamie Lenman – man’s a machine |
| Best Crowd Quote | “I haven’t cried this much since Year 9.” |
😬 THE GOODBYE BIT (We’re Not Crying, You Are)
And just like that… it’s over.
2000trees Saturday 2025 was a celebration. A crescendo. A muddy, messy masterpiece. You came for riffs, you stayed for friendship bracelets, and you left with a heart full of noise and a tent full of regret.
As the final guitar note rang through the woods and the last pint was poured, we knew we’d just lived through something special.
Not corporate. Not massive. Not polished. Just music, mayhem, and 15,000 weirdos in a field.
📸 Got Saturday pics? Tag us @theriffreportuk and relive the madness
🎧 Playlist incoming: Saturday Send-Off – Sad Bangers & Final Mosh Anthems
🧼 Shower when you get home. And maybe see a doctor.
Thank you, 2000trees 2025. You broke us. You fixed us. We’ll see you in the pit next year. 🖤🌲
C’mon butt, one last cider for the road? 🍻💀
