Early Entry Mayhem, Forest Tears & Cave Stage Chaos
📍 Upcote Farm, Cheltenham – July 9, 2025
✍️ The Riff Report | Covered in glitter and screaming about Graphic Nature since 2pm
🏕️ Welcome to the Cult of Trees
Ah, Wednesday at 2000trees — the day the faithful arrive early, pitch their tents wonkily, and begin the four-day pilgrimage into riff-fuelled nirvana. While the “official” festival doesn’t kick off until Thursday, Trees veterans know the real magic starts on Day Zero.
You get:
- Smaller crowds ✅
- Shorter bar queues ✅
- And the smug joy of knowing you were here before it got cool ✅
If you thought this would be a chill warm-up, you’ve clearly never been smashed in the face by a URNE riff while clutching a £7 pint and crying to Katie Malco in the woods.
🎶 Who Played – and Who Blew the Roof Off?
🌲 The Forest Stage – Cry, Hug, Repeat
2000trees’ Forest Stage isn’t just a stage. It’s a spiritual experience. Fairy lights, acoustic sets, and a vibe so emotional you’d think everyone just rewatched Titanic.
- Katie Malco opened the stage with a set so delicate and devastating, people were openly weeping into their Strongbows. “Brooklyn” hit like a breakup text from your teenage crush. Absolutely lush.
- Jamie Lenman (Unplugged) proved yet again why he’s a national treasure. Acoustic? Yes. Mellow? Absolutely not. He delivered banter, bangers, and belly laughs, with stripped-back takes on “Body Popping” and “It’s Hard to Be a Gentleman.” Bloke had us sobbing one minute and snorting cider the next.
- Sophie Powers brought Gen Z energy and post-pop angst, rocking a set that flipped between soft vulnerability and chaotic glitch-pop rage. “Nosebleed” went off. She’s one to watch, butt.
💣 The Cave & Neu – Chaos in Canvas
Over at The Cave Stage, the mood was less “emotional release under the trees” and more “smash-your-face-against-a-speaker-and-hope-for-the-best.”
- URNE kicked off the carnage with a sludge-metal monster of a set. Basslines heavier than your aunt’s Christmas pudding and riffs that rattled your ribcage. Absolute filth. 🔥
- Graphic Nature… oh boy. They set the Cave on fire. Their blend of nu-metalcore and pure rage was exactly what this crowd came for. Their cover of Linkin Park’s “One Step Closer”? Life-changing. Someone in the pit lost a shoe and didn’t care. That good.
- HERIOT closed out with atmospheric, thunderous brutality. Frontwoman Debbie Gough is a possessed banshee of beauty and destruction. “Near Vision” and “Coalescence” melted minds and made believers of us all.
🍻 Festival Vibes Check – Campsite Edition
If Wednesday is the warm-up, Trees campers were already in mid-festival form. The fields were filled with:
- DIY flagpoles made of beer crates
- Blokes in full banana costumes playing kazoo versions of Enter Shikari
- People yelling “WHERE’S MY TENT?” while clearly inside their tent
- The classic 2am emo singalong sessions that can cure a broken heart or cause one
- And the ever-reliable chant of “ONE MORE TUNE!” from someone who definitely peaked too early
Atmosphere rating? 10/10 feral.
🍔 Food & Drink – Fuel for the Forest Folk
The food trucks were already rolling out the goods:
- 🍟 Loaded fries with more toppings than logic allows
- 🌱 Vegan doners that made meat-eaters question their life choices
- 🧀 Mac & cheese bowls that could start religious movements
- 🍕 Pizza slices the size of a vinyl record
Drinks were flowing, pints around £6.50–£7.50, ciders cold, and water refill stations actually functional. No long queues yet — the midweek miracle lives!
🧻 Toilets: The Early Days of Hope
Let’s be honest, this is the best they’ll be all weekend.
✅ Clean
✅ Still stocked
✅ Not yet a biohazard zone
Enjoy it while it lasts, mun.
🏆 RIFF REPORT’S WEDNESDAY LEGENDS
🎤 Best Set: Graphic Nature – absolute chaos merchants
🪩 Most Unexpected Pit: During Jamie Lenman’s “It’s Hard to Be a Gentleman” – someone two-stepped in a cardigan
🌭 Best Festival Moment: Guy cooking sausages in a George Foreman plugged into a generator, mid-crowd
👟 Lost Item of the Day: Size 10 Converse, last seen airborne
🍺 Best Quote: “I came for the riffs, stayed for the vegan curry and tears” – overheard in the Forest Stage queue
😬 The Bad Bits (Because Nothing’s Perfect)
- Wi-Fi/Signal = None. If you lost your mates, they now live in the woods. Accept it.
- Hard ground = broken pegs galore. It’s like pitching tents on a brick.
- Bit of sound bleed between stages, but honestly, who cares when every set rips?
🌅 The Final Word: Trees Is Alive, Baby
Wednesday 2025 was everything we wanted and more:
- Intimate? ✅
- Loud? ✅
- Emotional? Absolutely ✅
- Slightly unhinged already? Hell yes.
The pre-show magic is what makes Trees different. It’s not just a festival – it’s a weird little forest cult built on riffs, beer, and friendship bracelets. By the time the main stage opens, we’re already half feral and full of feelings.
📸 Got your own pics from Wednesday? Tag us @theriffreportuk and let’s see ‘em!
🎧 Playlist drop incoming: “Wednesday at Trees – The Emotional Support Riff Tape”
🧼 Reminder: shower now or never.
Next up: THURSDAY – full main stage meltdown with Turnstile, Frank Carter, Holding Absence & more!
Stay loud. Stay weird. This forest belongs to the freaks now.
C’mon then butt, let’s make some noise before the world wakes up. 🌲🔥🎸
