🎸 Upcote Farm, Cheltenham | July 2025
Words by The Riff Report Team (covered in glitter, sweat, and cider)
🌳 What is 2000trees Festival?
Let’s set the scene. Imagine a field in the middle of the Cotswolds. Add 10,000 alternative music fans, three days of sunshine (or let’s be honest, probably rain), five stages of non-stop sonic mayhem, vegan burritos, and more band tees than an emo Tumblr page circa 2007 — and you’ve got 2000trees Festival, one of the UK’s best-kept live music secrets.
It’s not your dad’s rock fest. This ain’t about pyrotechnics and overpriced VIP zones (although there is one, more on that later). This is about the music. Raw, loud, sweaty, and emotional as hell. You’ll mosh, you’ll cry in a forest, you’ll lose a shoe during Cassyette, and you’ll probably adopt a stray glitter-covered dog named Kurt.
🤘 The Line-up: “Who booked my Spotify Wrapped?!”
2000trees 2025 came out swinging like it owed us money. The lineup was an alt-rock fan’s fever dream — and somehow even better in person.
🔥 Highlights:
- Turnstile delivered a set so chaotic, someone crowd surfed with a traffic cone.
- Bob Vylan straight-up tore the Forest Sessions in half — political punk perfection under the trees.
- Frank Carter & The Rattlesnakes once again proved they’re Britain’s best frontmen and chaos merchants. If you didn’t scream “I Hate You” into a stranger’s face, did you even go?
- As Everything Unfolds, Dream State, Loathe, and Brutus all brought the heavy, the heartfelt, and the holy-sh*t-I’m-crying moments.
- Forest Stage acoustic sets from the likes of Jamie Lenman and Sophie Powers had us sobbing into our £7 cider.
Even the smaller acts were bringing A-game energy like it was Wembley. 2000trees doesn’t do filler. It’s wall-to-wall earworm chaos.
🏕️ The Site: Mucky Boots & Magic
Upcote Farm is lush, wild, and deceptively big. It’s like camping at a National Trust site if the National Trust hired Biffy Clyro to curate the vibes.
The Forest Stage is the star of the show – fairy lights, acoustic heartbreak, birdsong, and the occasional metalhead having an existential moment. It’s honestly spiritual, butt.
The main arena layout is tidy as – easy to navigate, and stages are close enough to run between sets (or hobble if you’ve done a wall of death in the Neu Stage).
Taps everywhere, loos surprisingly clean, and refillable water stations meant we were hydrated and less likely to pass out mid-singalong to “Black Lungs.”
💷 Ticket Prices: Worth Every Penny?
Here’s the breakdown for 2025:
| 🎫 Ticket Type | 💷 Price (Approx) |
|---|---|
| Weekend (Thu–Sat) | £170–£190 |
| Early Entry (Wed add-on) | +£20–£30 extra |
| Day Tickets (Thu/Fri/Sat) | £85–£90 per day |
| Campervan Pass | £65 |
| Parking Pass | £25–£30 |
| VIP / Glamping Options | £250–£450 |
No corporate greed here, mun. You’re paying to be part of something proper lush. Trees is still independent as hell, and the ticket price reflects the DIY ethos with high production value and zero soulless branding.
🍔 Food & Drink: Fuel for the Pit
From vegan shawarmas and Korean BBQ to cheesy chips smothered in regret and jalapeños, the food lineup was top drawer. Bit pricey? Yeah. But it’s a festival. And at least it wasn’t £12 for a limp bacon bap like at certain other events 👀
- Pints? £6.50–£7.50.
- Water? Free, refillable.
- Espresso martinis in a can? Dangerous.
There’s even a “bring your own beer” option if you camp outside the arena. Budget-friendly headbanging? Proper job.
💚 The Vibes: Where Legends Are Made
Here’s the real magic: the people. Everyone’s here for the tunes, the community, and the catharsis. There’s no pretension, no influencers posing with glittery wellies. Just misfits, emos, punks, dads in Parkway Drive hoodies, and your cousin who still insists My Chemical Romance is the best band ever (he’s right).
From impromptu singalongs at the campsite to deep 2am chats about your first mosh pit, this is the stuff that stays with you.
Also, shoutout to the Trees wedding proposal that happened during an acoustic set. We were tamping we didn’t catch the bouquet of guitar picks. 💍🎸
😬 The Bad & The Muddy
It wouldn’t be a festival without some gripes, right?
- Mobile signal = absolute myth. Finding mates was like playing hide and seek in a swamp.
- Rain on Friday turned some paths into Slipknot albums (slippery, chaotic, dangerous).
- Silent disco queue = longer than Tool’s album rollout.
But honestly? Nothing stopped the fun. Not even the one bloke who passed out in a wheelbarrow.
🏁 Final Verdict
2000trees 2025:
10/10. WOULD CRY IN THE FOREST AGAIN. 🌲😭🤘
This isn’t just a festival. It’s a community built on guitars, grit, and gorgeous chaos. Whether you’re a seasoned pit warrior or just here to scream along to emo anthems under the stars, Trees welcomes you like family – muddy hugs and all.
📸 Got Photos from Trees?
Tag us @theriffreportuk and show off your finest headbanging shots, wet socks, or new band discoveries. Diolch for reading, legends! ✌️
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🎤 Next up: Arctangent, Bloodstock, and a wild return to Steelhouse…
“This forest smells like riffs and beer. I’m never leaving.” – Overheard in the Trees pit, probably
