Written in a field somewhere between euphoria and trench foot.
๐งผ Rise and Shineโฆ If You Can
By Saturday, Glastonbury has fully claimed your soul. Youโve forgotten what โindoorsโ feels like, you’re on your third pair of socks (and second pair of wellies), and your diet is 70% halloumi and 30% glitter. But who cares? The vibes are immaculate. Saturday promised big names, bigger crowds, and absolute mayhem โ and it delivered all three like a drunken Amazon driver on a quad bike. ๐ต
Letโs break it down โ from euphoric highs to embarrassing lows, this was a Saturday to remember (or try to, depending on how many pints of cider you had before lunchtime).
๐ THE GOOD โ PURE, UNFILTERED GLASTO GLORY
๐ชฉ COLDPLAYโS PYRAMID TAKEOVER โ STARS, STREAMERS & SOBBING
Say what you will about Coldplay, but when Chris Martin hit the Pyramid Stage, every cynic in that field was quietly weeping into their biodegradable pint cup. Drones danced in the sky spelling โLOVE,โ wristbands lit up like a sea of LED emotion, and Fix You made half the crowd ugly-cry.
This wasnโt just a gig โ it was a moment. Coldplay brought surprise guests too: Dua Lipa returned for a duet (Sky Full of Stars remix, absolute scenes), and Dave Grohl joined for The Scientist โ causing a collective โWTFโ gasp that echoed into the clouds.
You can slag โem off all year long, but in that field, under those lasers? It was magic. ๐
๐ IDLES LEVELLED THE OTHER STAGE
If Coldplay soothed the soul, IDLES stomped on it and screamed into its face โ lovingly. Their set was unhinged in the best way: guitars like chainsaws, lyrics like therapy, and lead singer Joe Talbot wearing a Welsh bucket hat (LEGEND).
They blasted through Mother, Danny Nedelko, and Car Crash while the mosh pit became a human washing machine. One bloke emerged shirtless and reborn.
They screamed, โWE LOVE YOU GLASTONBURY!โ and Glasto screamed right back. Proper chaos. Proper catharsis. Proper job. ๐ค
๐ LITTLE SIMZ โ SLICK, SERIOUS, SENSATIONAL
Over at West Holts, Little Simz once again proved sheโs the real deal. Slick beats. Sharp bars. Full command of the stage. Her performance of Introvert had the crowd hanging on every syllable, and by the time she dropped Woman, the entire field was dancing like they were in a Vogue shoot.
Sheโs not a future headliner. Sheโs a now headliner.
๐ป THE PARK โ PSYCHEDELIA, SUNSETS & STRANGE HAPPENINGS
As the sun set over The Park Stage, it felt like we all entered a dreamy Glasto alternate universe. Unknown Mortal Orchestraโs woozy set paired with a golden-hour haze was chefโs kiss. One lad near us said, โI think my soul just left through my nostrils,โ and honestly? Same.
Plus, The Rabbit Hole was vibing HARD. Rumour has it Damon Albarn turned up to do an impromptu DJ set dressed as a goblin. Unconfirmed, but extremely believable.
๐งโโ๏ธ CHILL CORNERS THAT SAVED OUR SANITY
Letโs give some love to the Healing Fields, the stone circle, and that one tree near West Holts where everyone naps. You may have started your day screaming lyrics in the mosh pit, but at some point, you found yourself sipping herbal tea while someone played panpipes and a guy named Trevor offered to align your chakras.
Balance, butt. Balance.
๐คทโโ๏ธ THE BAD โ THE WOBBLES, WHOOPSIES & WETNESS
โ STAGE SLIP-UPS AND SOUND WOES
Several sets suffered from technical gremlins. At The Glade, the DJ booth cut out mid-banger โ and someone tried to cover it by doing an interpretive dance with glow sticks. Respect the hustle, but it didnโt quite work.
Even Billie Eilishโs set (surprise 30-min pop-up at Woodsies!) had a brief mic dropout. Cue thousands of confused TikTokers silently filming.
๐ CROWD CARNAGE โ MOVING FROM STAGE TO STAGE? GOOD LUCK.
By mid-afternoon, the site was officially squelch mode. Getting from The Other Stage to Silver Hayes required a Sherpa and a GPS. One wrong turn and youโd end up in a hammock workshop being taught โhealing chants of the badgerโ by a man named Twig.
Also: people started forming queues to join queues. British chaos at its finest.
๐ต PRICE PAIN
ยฃ8 for chips. ยฃ6.50 for a can of warm lager. ยฃ15 for a glitter tattoo that looked like a sad butterfly? Some prices went full capitalist nightmare.
One girl was heard screaming, โI JUST PAID ยฃ11 FOR A SCOTCH EGG.โ I was tamping.
๐ฎ STRANGE SMELLS NEAR GREENPEACE
Something in that area smelledโฆ off. Like wet socks, goat cheese, and sadness. No idea what it was. Mightโve been a vegan food experiment gone rogue.
Either way โ our nostrils are still in therapy.
๐ฉ THE UGLY โ THE MADNESS, MAYHEM & MISCHIEF
๐ THE RAVE THAT BROKE REALITY (SILVER HAYES)
Somewhere around midnight, a rogue DJ set at Silver Hayes turned into what can only be described as glitter-fuelled time travel. Laser beams everywhere. A guy in a wedding dress on someoneโs shoulders holding a firework (seriously, HOW?!).
People were doing the worm on mud patches. At one point someone started a โhuman centipede of loveโ conga line. We joined. No regrets. May never emotionally recover.
๐งโโ๏ธ THE โTOO FAR GONEโ CROWD
By 10pm, the โDay 2 Wanderersโ were out in force. You know the ones:
- Covered in mud from eyebrow to ankle
- Lost their voice, dignity, and possibly their tent
- Staring at a Cornish pasty like it holds the secrets of the universe
One lad sat down in the middle of the path and just started softly singing Wonderwall. No one stopped him. Glasto law says: if he vibes, let him vibe.
๐งป THE TOILETS AT NIGHT
Justโฆ no. Whatever you do, donโt forget your torch. Or your will to live.
๐ธ WTF MOMENTS OF THE DAY
- Someone flew a giant inflatable UFO over the Stone Circle. Crowd went wild. Aliens confirmed.
- A spontaneous emo singalong broke out at midnight by the Greenpeace fire pit โ 100+ people belting Welcome to the Black Parade in harmony. Tears.
- Security guards doing synchronised dancing during IDLES. Who knew mosh pit bouncers had moves?
- Someone brought a parrot. A real one. It shouted โWANKER!โ during Yellow. Icon.
๐ถ SETLIST HIGHLIGHTS
Coldplay:
- Viva La Vida
- Hymn for the Weekend (ft. Dua Lipa)
- Fix You (tears, lots of them)
- My Universe
- The Scientist (with Dave Grohl)
- Sky Full of Stars (light-up wristband madness)
IDLES:
- Colossus
- Mr. Motivator
- Never Fight a Man With a Perm
- Danny Nedelko
- Dancer
Little Simz:
- Introvert
- Venom
- Woman
- Point and Kill
- Gorilla
๐ FOOD RANKING โ SATURDAY SNACK EDITION
- Buttermilk Fried Chicken Stall โ ยฃ10 but worth every crunchy bite.
- Korean BBQ Wraps โ spicy enough to summon the gods.
- Halloumi Fries โ Still undefeated.
- Mystery โPlant-Based Meatballโ Truck โ tasted like sadness and regret.
- Cider Ice Lollies โ WHY ARE THESE NOT EVERYWHERE?!
๐ค OVERHEARD AT GLASTO
โDo I have glitter in my eyeball or is that just the acid?โ
โThis is the happiest Iโve ever been while standing in mud.โ
โIf we lose each other, meet at the dragon.โ
โI think Coldplay just healed my trauma.โ
โI spent ยฃ30 on food and now I have ยฃ4 left for the entire weekend.โ
โMy tent blew away but honestly? Iโm free now.โ
๐ FINAL VERDICT โ SATURDAY SLAPPED
Saturday at Glastonbury 2025 was a full-body, full-heart, full-mud experience. The highs were astronomical (Coldplay, IDLES, Little Simz), the lows were hilarious (toilet-based trauma), and the in-betweens were gloriously weird.
You laughed. You cried. You danced until your knees begged for mercy. This was the kind of Glasto day youโll be telling stories about for years.
Whether you were sobbing under the stars or moshing in the mud, you lived, mun. Proper lived.
๐งก ROLL ON SUNDAYโฆ
Rumours swirl of Taylor Swift, The Prodigy, and a My Chemical Romance karaoke pit. Who knows what chaos awaits?
What we do know is this: your voice is shot, your glitter is permanent, and you wouldnโt trade it for anything.
๐ธ For more riffs, rants, and ridiculousness, hit up The Riff Report โ your festival front row seat, without the tent smell ๐
#Glastonbury2025 #TheRiffReport #FestivalReview #SaturdayAtGlasto #CmonButt #GlitterAndCiderForever
