Written in a field somewhere between euphoria and trench foot.
🧼 Rise and Shine… If You Can
By Saturday, Glastonbury has fully claimed your soul. You’ve forgotten what “indoors” feels like, you’re on your third pair of socks (and second pair of wellies), and your diet is 70% halloumi and 30% glitter. But who cares? The vibes are immaculate. Saturday promised big names, bigger crowds, and absolute mayhem – and it delivered all three like a drunken Amazon driver on a quad bike. 🛵
Let’s break it down – from euphoric highs to embarrassing lows, this was a Saturday to remember (or try to, depending on how many pints of cider you had before lunchtime).
🌟 THE GOOD – PURE, UNFILTERED GLASTO GLORY
🪩 COLDPLAY’S PYRAMID TAKEOVER – STARS, STREAMERS & SOBBING
Say what you will about Coldplay, but when Chris Martin hit the Pyramid Stage, every cynic in that field was quietly weeping into their biodegradable pint cup. Drones danced in the sky spelling “LOVE,” wristbands lit up like a sea of LED emotion, and Fix You made half the crowd ugly-cry.
This wasn’t just a gig – it was a moment. Coldplay brought surprise guests too: Dua Lipa returned for a duet (Sky Full of Stars remix, absolute scenes), and Dave Grohl joined for The Scientist – causing a collective “WTF” gasp that echoed into the clouds.
You can slag ‘em off all year long, but in that field, under those lasers? It was magic. 🌠
👊 IDLES LEVELLED THE OTHER STAGE
If Coldplay soothed the soul, IDLES stomped on it and screamed into its face – lovingly. Their set was unhinged in the best way: guitars like chainsaws, lyrics like therapy, and lead singer Joe Talbot wearing a Welsh bucket hat (LEGEND).
They blasted through Mother, Danny Nedelko, and Car Crash while the mosh pit became a human washing machine. One bloke emerged shirtless and reborn.
They screamed, “WE LOVE YOU GLASTONBURY!” and Glasto screamed right back. Proper chaos. Proper catharsis. Proper job. 🤘
🐍 LITTLE SIMZ – SLICK, SERIOUS, SENSATIONAL
Over at West Holts, Little Simz once again proved she’s the real deal. Slick beats. Sharp bars. Full command of the stage. Her performance of Introvert had the crowd hanging on every syllable, and by the time she dropped Woman, the entire field was dancing like they were in a Vogue shoot.
She’s not a future headliner. She’s a now headliner.
🌻 THE PARK – PSYCHEDELIA, SUNSETS & STRANGE HAPPENINGS
As the sun set over The Park Stage, it felt like we all entered a dreamy Glasto alternate universe. Unknown Mortal Orchestra’s woozy set paired with a golden-hour haze was chef’s kiss. One lad near us said, “I think my soul just left through my nostrils,” and honestly? Same.
Plus, The Rabbit Hole was vibing HARD. Rumour has it Damon Albarn turned up to do an impromptu DJ set dressed as a goblin. Unconfirmed, but extremely believable.
🧘♀️ CHILL CORNERS THAT SAVED OUR SANITY
Let’s give some love to the Healing Fields, the stone circle, and that one tree near West Holts where everyone naps. You may have started your day screaming lyrics in the mosh pit, but at some point, you found yourself sipping herbal tea while someone played panpipes and a guy named Trevor offered to align your chakras.
Balance, butt. Balance.
🤷♂️ THE BAD – THE WOBBLES, WHOOPSIES & WETNESS
☔ STAGE SLIP-UPS AND SOUND WOES
Several sets suffered from technical gremlins. At The Glade, the DJ booth cut out mid-banger – and someone tried to cover it by doing an interpretive dance with glow sticks. Respect the hustle, but it didn’t quite work.
Even Billie Eilish’s set (surprise 30-min pop-up at Woodsies!) had a brief mic dropout. Cue thousands of confused TikTokers silently filming.
🐌 CROWD CARNAGE – MOVING FROM STAGE TO STAGE? GOOD LUCK.
By mid-afternoon, the site was officially squelch mode. Getting from The Other Stage to Silver Hayes required a Sherpa and a GPS. One wrong turn and you’d end up in a hammock workshop being taught “healing chants of the badger” by a man named Twig.
Also: people started forming queues to join queues. British chaos at its finest.
💵 PRICE PAIN
£8 for chips. £6.50 for a can of warm lager. £15 for a glitter tattoo that looked like a sad butterfly? Some prices went full capitalist nightmare.
One girl was heard screaming, “I JUST PAID £11 FOR A SCOTCH EGG.” I was tamping.
🐮 STRANGE SMELLS NEAR GREENPEACE
Something in that area smelled… off. Like wet socks, goat cheese, and sadness. No idea what it was. Might’ve been a vegan food experiment gone rogue.
Either way – our nostrils are still in therapy.
💩 THE UGLY – THE MADNESS, MAYHEM & MISCHIEF
💃 THE RAVE THAT BROKE REALITY (SILVER HAYES)
Somewhere around midnight, a rogue DJ set at Silver Hayes turned into what can only be described as glitter-fuelled time travel. Laser beams everywhere. A guy in a wedding dress on someone’s shoulders holding a firework (seriously, HOW?!).
People were doing the worm on mud patches. At one point someone started a “human centipede of love” conga line. We joined. No regrets. May never emotionally recover.
🧟♀️ THE “TOO FAR GONE” CROWD
By 10pm, the “Day 2 Wanderers” were out in force. You know the ones:
- Covered in mud from eyebrow to ankle
- Lost their voice, dignity, and possibly their tent
- Staring at a Cornish pasty like it holds the secrets of the universe
One lad sat down in the middle of the path and just started softly singing Wonderwall. No one stopped him. Glasto law says: if he vibes, let him vibe.
🧻 THE TOILETS AT NIGHT
Just… no. Whatever you do, don’t forget your torch. Or your will to live.
🛸 WTF MOMENTS OF THE DAY
- Someone flew a giant inflatable UFO over the Stone Circle. Crowd went wild. Aliens confirmed.
- A spontaneous emo singalong broke out at midnight by the Greenpeace fire pit – 100+ people belting Welcome to the Black Parade in harmony. Tears.
- Security guards doing synchronised dancing during IDLES. Who knew mosh pit bouncers had moves?
- Someone brought a parrot. A real one. It shouted “WANKER!” during Yellow. Icon.
🎶 SETLIST HIGHLIGHTS
Coldplay:
- Viva La Vida
- Hymn for the Weekend (ft. Dua Lipa)
- Fix You (tears, lots of them)
- My Universe
- The Scientist (with Dave Grohl)
- Sky Full of Stars (light-up wristband madness)
IDLES:
- Colossus
- Mr. Motivator
- Never Fight a Man With a Perm
- Danny Nedelko
- Dancer
Little Simz:
- Introvert
- Venom
- Woman
- Point and Kill
- Gorilla
🍟 FOOD RANKING – SATURDAY SNACK EDITION
- Buttermilk Fried Chicken Stall – £10 but worth every crunchy bite.
- Korean BBQ Wraps – spicy enough to summon the gods.
- Halloumi Fries – Still undefeated.
- Mystery “Plant-Based Meatball” Truck – tasted like sadness and regret.
- Cider Ice Lollies – WHY ARE THESE NOT EVERYWHERE?!
🎤 OVERHEARD AT GLASTO
“Do I have glitter in my eyeball or is that just the acid?”
“This is the happiest I’ve ever been while standing in mud.”
“If we lose each other, meet at the dragon.”
“I think Coldplay just healed my trauma.”
“I spent £30 on food and now I have £4 left for the entire weekend.”
“My tent blew away but honestly? I’m free now.”
🏁 FINAL VERDICT – SATURDAY SLAPPED
Saturday at Glastonbury 2025 was a full-body, full-heart, full-mud experience. The highs were astronomical (Coldplay, IDLES, Little Simz), the lows were hilarious (toilet-based trauma), and the in-betweens were gloriously weird.
You laughed. You cried. You danced until your knees begged for mercy. This was the kind of Glasto day you’ll be telling stories about for years.
Whether you were sobbing under the stars or moshing in the mud, you lived, mun. Proper lived.
🧡 ROLL ON SUNDAY…
Rumours swirl of Taylor Swift, The Prodigy, and a My Chemical Romance karaoke pit. Who knows what chaos awaits?
What we do know is this: your voice is shot, your glitter is permanent, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
📸 For more riffs, rants, and ridiculousness, hit up The Riff Report – your festival front row seat, without the tent smell 😎
#Glastonbury2025 #TheRiffReport #FestivalReview #SaturdayAtGlasto #CmonButt #GlitterAndCiderForever
