Because Silent Night Could Use a Guitar Solo
Letโs face it โ not everyone wants Michael Bublรฉ serenading them while they neck mulled wine and wrestle with a roll of wrapping paper. Some of us want riffs with our reindeer, solos with our stuffing, and growls with our gravy.
So crank the amp to 11 and deck the halls with METAL. Here are The Riff Reportโs 20 most gloriously heavy Christmas songs of all time โ from genuinely epic to gloriously ridiculous. Ho ho hell yeah! ๐ค๐ฅ๐
1. Twisted Sister โ โOh Come All Ye Faithfulโ
Itโs Twisted fโn Sister doing a metal version of a hymn… what more could you want? Basically โWeโre Not Gonna Take Itโ in a Santa hat. Absolute chaos.
2. King Diamond โ โNo Presents for Christmasโ
Starts off with jingle bells, ends with pure evil. The King delivers a tale of a Christmas gone wrong โ with falsettos sharp enough to slice your turkey.
3. Rob Halford โ โDonner and Blitzenโ
Judas Priest’s Metal God brings the thunder like it’s Christmas Eve on a Harley. It’s fast, furious, and festive. Donner! Blitzen! Letโs ride!
4. Manowar โ โSilent Nightโ
If you ever wondered what a warlordโs lullaby sounds like, this is it. Gloriously over-the-top and surprisingly tender. Like being hugged by a Viking.
5. Lemmy, Billy Gibbons & Dave Grohl โ โRun Rudolph Runโ
This supergroup cover is pure sleigh-fuel. Lemmy sounds like heโs gargling gravel and whiskey โ Rudolphโs never run this fast. RIP, legend. ๐ค
6. Corey Taylor โ โX-M@$โ
โIF I AINโT DRUNK THEN IT AINโT CHRISTMAS!โ ๐ฅ A modern classic from Slipknotโs frontman, complete with anti-capitalist rage and a punk-metal punch.
7. AC/DC โ โMistress for Christmasโ
Yes, itโs sleazy. Yes, itโs Aussie. Yes, itโs gloriously wrong. Bonkers holiday innuendo wrapped in crunchy riffs and Angus Young mischief.
8. Sabaton โ โChristmas Truceโ
Who else would turn a WWI ceasefire into a metal ballad? Sabaton blend history, honour, and holiday vibes into something genuinely moving โ and crushingly epic.
9. Trans-Siberian Orchestra โ โChristmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)โ
Think classical Christmas meets prog metal opera. Shredding violins, galloping riffs, and enough drama to power a snowstorm. Big main-stage energy.
10. August Burns Red โ โCarol of the Bellsโ
This instrumental metalcore version of the classic is so intense it might make your nan drop her mince pie. Unreasonably epic. Play it loud.
11. Spinal Tap โ โChristmas with the Devilโ
Because sometimes you do want Beelzebub at your Boxing Day buffet. Spinal Tap bring the satire, riffs, and red spandex. Utter nonsense. We love it.
12. Nightwish โ โWalking in the Airโ (Cover)
The Snowman never sounded so symphonic or dramatic. If you like your carols with full orchestras, opera vocals, and Finnish flair โ this is lush.
13. Iced Earth โ โRed Baron / Blue Maxโ (Holiday EP)
Metal with a historical war theme for Christmas? Sounds mad. It is. But it shreds. This band never half-arses anything โ even a holiday release.
14. Type O Negative โ โRed Water (Christmas Mourning)โ
Not your jolly holiday jam. Peter Steeleโs gothic croon and doomy vibes will make you question the whole concept of joy. Proper gloomy, this one.
15. Tarja โ โFeliz Navidadโ
Operatic metal meets Christmas fiesta. Tarja puts her icy soprano spin on this classic and somehow makes it sound like a Bond theme. Festive and deadly.
16. We Wish You a Metal Xmas (All-Star Album)
Ronnie James Dio doing โGod Rest Ye Merry Gentlemenโ? YES PLEASE. This all-star record features Alice Cooper, Tony Iommi, Lemmy, and more. Pure gold. Or frankincense. Or riffs.
17. Lacuna Coil โ โNaughty Christmasโ
Gothic metal meets festive angst. Lacuna Coil get playful (and a bit creepy) with a dark, sexy, naughty Santa jam. For your after-hours sleigh ride. ๐
18. Venom โ โBlack Xmasโ
Satanic sleigh bells? VENOM bring pure darkness to the holiday table. Not for the faint of heart or fans of Cliff Richard. ๐ฅ
19. Ramones โ โMerry Christmas (I Donโt Want to Fight Tonight)โ
OK, it’s punk not metal. But itโs too legendary not to include. A festive anthem for all dysfunctional households. Play it between family arguments.
20. Rammstein โ โMutterโ (Just pretend itโs about Christmas)
Alright, technically not a holiday song. But itโs cold, German, dramatic, and sounds like a Christmas Eve breakdown at a Krampus rave. Close enough.
๐ Honourable Mentions
Because 20 wasnโt enough and metalheads are greedy:
- DragonForce โ โThe Last Christmasโ (Fan edit mashup)
- Within Temptation โ โSilver Bellsโ
- Marilyn Manson โ โThis Is Halloweenโ (Alright, but it feels festive)
- Six Feet Under โ โSilent Nightโ (Death metal-style โ terrifying!)
- Eluveitie โ โInis Monaโ (Play this with fairy lights, trust us)
๐ Final Thoughts:
Metal and Christmas might seem like weird bedfellows, but when you blend shredding solos with sleigh bells, something magical happens. Whether youโre headbanging under the mistletoe, starting a circle pit at Christmas dinner, or toasting Lemmy with a Baileys and blast beats โ this is the true spirit of the season.
Have yourself a heavy little Christmas, butt. Nadolig Llawen! ๐ ๐ฅ๐ค
