Because Silent Night Could Use a Guitar Solo
Let’s face it – not everyone wants Michael Bublé serenading them while they neck mulled wine and wrestle with a roll of wrapping paper. Some of us want riffs with our reindeer, solos with our stuffing, and growls with our gravy.
So crank the amp to 11 and deck the halls with METAL. Here are The Riff Report’s 20 most gloriously heavy Christmas songs of all time — from genuinely epic to gloriously ridiculous. Ho ho hell yeah! 🤘🔥🎁
1. Twisted Sister – “Oh Come All Ye Faithful”
It’s Twisted f’n Sister doing a metal version of a hymn… what more could you want? Basically “We’re Not Gonna Take It” in a Santa hat. Absolute chaos.
2. King Diamond – “No Presents for Christmas”
Starts off with jingle bells, ends with pure evil. The King delivers a tale of a Christmas gone wrong – with falsettos sharp enough to slice your turkey.
3. Rob Halford – “Donner and Blitzen”
Judas Priest’s Metal God brings the thunder like it’s Christmas Eve on a Harley. It’s fast, furious, and festive. Donner! Blitzen! Let’s ride!
4. Manowar – “Silent Night”
If you ever wondered what a warlord’s lullaby sounds like, this is it. Gloriously over-the-top and surprisingly tender. Like being hugged by a Viking.
5. Lemmy, Billy Gibbons & Dave Grohl – “Run Rudolph Run”
This supergroup cover is pure sleigh-fuel. Lemmy sounds like he’s gargling gravel and whiskey – Rudolph’s never run this fast. RIP, legend. 🖤
6. Corey Taylor – “X-M@$”
“IF I AIN’T DRUNK THEN IT AIN’T CHRISTMAS!” 🥃 A modern classic from Slipknot’s frontman, complete with anti-capitalist rage and a punk-metal punch.
7. AC/DC – “Mistress for Christmas”
Yes, it’s sleazy. Yes, it’s Aussie. Yes, it’s gloriously wrong. Bonkers holiday innuendo wrapped in crunchy riffs and Angus Young mischief.
8. Sabaton – “Christmas Truce”
Who else would turn a WWI ceasefire into a metal ballad? Sabaton blend history, honour, and holiday vibes into something genuinely moving – and crushingly epic.
9. Trans-Siberian Orchestra – “Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)”
Think classical Christmas meets prog metal opera. Shredding violins, galloping riffs, and enough drama to power a snowstorm. Big main-stage energy.
10. August Burns Red – “Carol of the Bells”
This instrumental metalcore version of the classic is so intense it might make your nan drop her mince pie. Unreasonably epic. Play it loud.
11. Spinal Tap – “Christmas with the Devil”
Because sometimes you do want Beelzebub at your Boxing Day buffet. Spinal Tap bring the satire, riffs, and red spandex. Utter nonsense. We love it.
12. Nightwish – “Walking in the Air” (Cover)
The Snowman never sounded so symphonic or dramatic. If you like your carols with full orchestras, opera vocals, and Finnish flair – this is lush.
13. Iced Earth – “Red Baron / Blue Max” (Holiday EP)
Metal with a historical war theme for Christmas? Sounds mad. It is. But it shreds. This band never half-arses anything – even a holiday release.
14. Type O Negative – “Red Water (Christmas Mourning)”
Not your jolly holiday jam. Peter Steele’s gothic croon and doomy vibes will make you question the whole concept of joy. Proper gloomy, this one.
15. Tarja – “Feliz Navidad”
Operatic metal meets Christmas fiesta. Tarja puts her icy soprano spin on this classic and somehow makes it sound like a Bond theme. Festive and deadly.
16. We Wish You a Metal Xmas (All-Star Album)
Ronnie James Dio doing “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”? YES PLEASE. This all-star record features Alice Cooper, Tony Iommi, Lemmy, and more. Pure gold. Or frankincense. Or riffs.
17. Lacuna Coil – “Naughty Christmas”
Gothic metal meets festive angst. Lacuna Coil get playful (and a bit creepy) with a dark, sexy, naughty Santa jam. For your after-hours sleigh ride. 😉
18. Venom – “Black Xmas”
Satanic sleigh bells? VENOM bring pure darkness to the holiday table. Not for the faint of heart or fans of Cliff Richard. 🔥
19. Ramones – “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)”
OK, it’s punk not metal. But it’s too legendary not to include. A festive anthem for all dysfunctional households. Play it between family arguments.
20. Rammstein – “Mutter” (Just pretend it’s about Christmas)
Alright, technically not a holiday song. But it’s cold, German, dramatic, and sounds like a Christmas Eve breakdown at a Krampus rave. Close enough.
🎁 Honourable Mentions
Because 20 wasn’t enough and metalheads are greedy:
- DragonForce – “The Last Christmas” (Fan edit mashup)
- Within Temptation – “Silver Bells”
- Marilyn Manson – “This Is Halloween” (Alright, but it feels festive)
- Six Feet Under – “Silent Night” (Death metal-style – terrifying!)
- Eluveitie – “Inis Mona” (Play this with fairy lights, trust us)
🎄 Final Thoughts:
Metal and Christmas might seem like weird bedfellows, but when you blend shredding solos with sleigh bells, something magical happens. Whether you’re headbanging under the mistletoe, starting a circle pit at Christmas dinner, or toasting Lemmy with a Baileys and blast beats — this is the true spirit of the season.
Have yourself a heavy little Christmas, butt. Nadolig Llawen! 🎅🔥🤘
