Bands, pits, beers, chaos, and more corpse paint than your nan’s Avon catalogue
🎧 INTRO – BLOOD, RIFFS & BANK-BREAKING BURGERS
Ahhh BLUDFEST 2025. The one weekend of the year where every metalhead within a 200-mile radius flocks to the fields, armed with black hoodies, studded belts, and a bladder tough enough to endure festival portaloos.
From the second you walked in, you could smell it: not just the incense and patchouli from the goth stalls, but that sweet metallic tang of death metal in the air (and maybe a hint of overpriced chips 🥴). The site was buzzing, and the line-up was stacked tighter than a Bridgend kebab at 3am.
But was it worth the hype? Let’s break it down, band by band, beer by beer, bruise by bruise.
🎶 THE BANDS – CHAOS UNLEASHED
BLOODBATH – HEADLINERS OF MAYHEM
The kings of Swedish death metal turned the main stage into a war zone. Nick Holmes stalked the stage like Nosferatu on Red Bull, growling through Eaten, Cancer of the Soul, and So You Die. Every riff hit like a steel boot to the jaw.
The pit? Absolute murder. Security were yanking surfers out like they were on commission.
💀 Highlight: The moment the entire field roared “EATEN! BY… A… HUMAN!” – neighbours three counties away must’ve heard.
CRADLE OF FILTH – GOTHIC PANTO MADNESS
Dani Filth strutted out in platform boots taller than a Pontypridd lamp post, shrieking like a banshee caught in a tumble dryer. The theatrics were glorious – dry ice, red lighting, and more eyeliner than the entirety of Merthyr on a Saturday night.
They blasted Her Ghost in the Fog, From the Cradle to Enslave, and the goth anthem Nymphetamine. Every goth couple in the crowd held hands like it was their wedding song.
💀 Highlight: Dani screaming “BLUDFEST! YOU LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE CONVENTION!” – spot on.
BLEED FROM WITHIN – THE RISING GODS
The Glaswegian lads came armed with riffs sharp enough to cut scaffolding. Into Nothing and The End of All We Knownearly tore the PA in half. The crowd surfers? Constant. Like the River Taff, only sweatier and more violent.
💀 Highlight: The band dedicating Pathfinder to “every dafty who’s lost a shoe in the pit tonight” – which was about 60% of us.
VENOM INC. – THE OLD GUARD STILL EVIL
If you want history, you got it. Venom Inc. rolled out the Black Metal classics like it was 1982 again. Still raw, still filthy, still LOUD.
The younger crowd looked a bit baffled – no breakdowns, no djent – just pure, raw blackened thrash. The old heads? Grinning like kids in a sweet shop.
💀 Highlight: Countess Bathory still sounding like the devil himself wrote it on a pub napkin.
MALEVOLENCE – YORKSHIRE CARNAGE
Yorkshire’s heaviest export since whippets and Henderson’s Relish. Malevolence had the pit looking like the Battle of Hastings re-enactment – except sweatier. Higher Place and Self Supremacy were absolute batterings.
💀 Highlight: During Keep Your Distance, two massive lads in the pit actually stopped mid-swing to hug it out. Metal brings people together, mun.
SVALBARD – BEAUTY IN THE BLEAKNESS
After all that violence, Svalbard swooped in with their gorgeous, crushing post-metal. Serena Cherry’s vocals were heavenly one second, then demonic the next. It was like being slapped and cuddled at the same time.
💀 Highlight: The Weight of the Mask had the crowd swaying, eyes closed, fists in the air – pure catharsis.
INGESTED – DEATH METAL SLAM FACTORY
Straight outta Manchester, Ingested turned the place into a meat grinder. If you’ve never seen them, imagine being trapped in a tumble dryer with blast beats and growls echoing inside your skull. That’s their vibe.
💀 Highlight: Invidious nearly broke the sound barrier.
TRIBULATION – GOTH ROCKERS FROM THE CRYPT
They looked like they’d stepped straight out of a Hammer Horror flick – flowing hair, corpse paint, leather. Their gothic heavy metal grooves were hypnotic.
💀 Highlight: Strange Gateways Beckon – sounded like Dracula himself shredding guitar in Castle Dracula.
HERIOT – UK HEAVYWEIGHTS IN WAITING
Angry, industrial, and suffocatingly heavy. The tent was packed, sweaty, and seething. If Slipknot and Nine Inch Nails had a feral Welsh baby, it’d be Heriot.
💀 Highlight: The final breakdown of Profound Morality – half the tent lost their spines.
BLUD OFFERING – LOCAL HEROES OPEN
The little guys kicking off the festival. Nervous but energetic, they smashed it with sheer passion. A brave opener, but it worked – first pit of the weekend, first pint spilled, first chants of “YESS MUN!”
💀 Highlight: The drummer losing a stick mid-song, catching it in mid-air like a superhero, then carrying on like nothing happened.
🍺 FOOD & DRINK – THE WALLET MASSACRE
Here’s the true horror story, butt.
- Pint of Lager (Carling/Heineken): £7.50 😱
- Cider (Thatchers/Strongbow Dark Fruits): £8.00
- Craft IPA: £9.50 (and tasted like liquid bread)
- Water: £3.50 (liquid robbery)
- Burger & Chips: £14.00
- Vegan Wrap: £12.00
- Loaded Fries (with “cheese” & jalapeños): £11.00
- Pizza Slice: £6.00
- Breakfast Bap (bacon/sausage): £9.00
- Coffee: £4.50 (lukewarm, tasted like bin juice)
Festival food maths: three meals and four pints = your rent money gone in a day. Fans were tamping, but too hungry to protest.
🎤 CROWD, CHAOS & PITS
- Crowd: A sea of black t-shirts, denim vests, and studded jackets.
- Mosh Pits: Constant chaos. Bleed From Within’s pit nearly swallowed a whole tent.
- Crowd Surfers: Security lost count after 500. One lad in a shark costume surfed through Black Metal – legendary.
- Weather: Proper UK fest. Biblical rain during changeovers, blazing sun during headliners. Ponchos were on/off more times than Dani Filth changed costumes.
- Toilets: Straight outta Mordor. Dark, foul, and cursed. You left less of a person than when you went in.
👕 MERCH & EXTRAS
- Band Tees: £30–£35 each.
- Hoodies: £60 (worth it though, it was Baltic at night).
- BLUDFEST Official Tee: £25 (design looked like a GCSE art project, but still sold out).
- Vinyl/CD stalls: Rammed – vinyl of Cruelty and the Beast went for £50.
- Tattoo Tent: Yep, people were getting inked mid-fest. Imagine explaining to your nan why you’ve now got “Corpsegrinder” across your chest.
🏕️ CAMPSITE CHAOS
- Tents rammed shoulder-to-shoulder.
- Someone had a paddling pool full of Strongbow.
- One lad brought a full BBQ and cooked bacon for the entire row – a hero.
- Bin jousting broke out by Saturday night. Security gave up, joined in, and won.
🩸 FINAL VERDICT
So, BLUDFEST 2025 – was it brutal? Oh aye. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Was it cheap? HA! Not even close.
🎸 Bands: 10/10 (stacked, savage, unforgettable)
🍔 Food: 5/10 (robbery with a side of grease)
🍺 Drink: 3/10 (seven quid for Carling should be illegal)
👹 Chaos Factor: 11/10
👉 Would we go again? Course we would, mun. It’s BLUDFEST – if you’re not bleeding, broke, and broken by the end, did you even go?
