The Riff Report Blog | Psychology Meets Mosh Pit ๐ง ๐
Forget swooning groupies or seductive solos under moonlight โ according to actual scientific research, men aren’t playing extreme metal to attract mates. Nope. Theyโre doing it to impress other dudes. Thatโs right โ all those blazing solos, guttural growls, and double-kick drumming? A flex. For the lads. ๐ช๐ถ
And honestly… are we even surprised? ๐
๐งช The Study in Question
This absolute banger of a paper is titled:
โExtreme metal guitar skill: A case of male-male status-seeking, mate attraction, or byproduct?โ
(Itโs a working title. Personally, weโd have gone with โSlayer, Status, and the Science of Shreddingโ, but okay.)
Published by researchers Todd K. Shackelford, Tara DeLecce, Farid Pazhoohi, Anna Szala, and againโฆ Todd K. Shackelford (because one wasn’t enough?), this study came out of Oakland University and Nicolaus Copernicus University in Toruล. Basically: very clever people asking very loud questions. ๐คฏ
๐ Sex or Status? The Big Metal Question
So why do people melt faces with blast beats and brutal riffs? Is it:
- Sexual Selection (to get laid)
- Male-Male Status Flexing (to say โI am the most brutal among youโ)
- A Random Byproduct of Our Big Silly Brains ๐ง
According to the study, itโs mostly about showing off to other guys. Not to the ladies. Sorry, lords of distortion โ she wasnโt looking. But Dave in the Cannibal Corpse shirt? He noticed. He nodded. Respect. ๐ค
๐ค “Check Out My Sweep Picking, Bro”
This makes sense, really. Think about it:
- The more complex the riff, the more respect from fellow guitar nerds.
- Shredding at 250 BPM? Your bandmate Dave is now making you toasties and calling you โKing.โ
- Do women even like 11-minute grindcore solos titled โRotted Misery in the Morgue of Hateโ?
Letโs be honest: extreme metal has always been a sausage-fest of sonic one-upmanship.
๐ง But Wait, Thereโs Neurological Reasons Too!
The researchers say that maybe music is just something we can do because weโre smart monkeys with rhythm. It’s like juggling or chess, but with corpse paint.
Still, the paper leans toward male-male status seeking as the biggest driver behind the grind. So next time you’re in the pit, just know: itโs basically a gym locker room with blast beats.
๐งโ๐ค Real-Life Case Studies (100% Definitely Real)
๐ค Case 1: Brad, Lead Guitarist of โGoat Annihilationโ
โI used to think I was doing this for the art. But now I realise, Iโve been trying to out-solo Jason since 2014. He doesnโt even come to gigs anymore. I still try to one-up him.โ
๐ฅ Case 2: Darren, Drummer of โSevered Marmiteโ
โI started playing blast beats at 300BPM because no one else in my year group could. Girls didnโt care. But the lads? They made me President of the Pub Group Chat.โ
๐ธ Case 3: Aidan, Bedroom Shredder
โYeah I post covers on YouTube hoping Misha from Periphery notices me. I just want his respect, man.โ
๐ค What This Means For Music
So what are the consequences of this discovery?
- Men will continue tuning down to drop G, not for romance โ but for bragging rights.
- Guitar forums will remain the most testosterone-filled places on the internet.
- Romantic metal ballads might be replaced by songs titled โDude, Did You Hear That Riff?โ
Honestly? Itโs kind of wholesome. Itโs less about ego, more about camaraderie through chaos. A brotherhood forged in distortion pedals and sweat.
๐ฃ The Riff Report Verdict
This changes everythingโฆ and absolutely nothing.
We always kinda knew that extreme metal wasnโt about seduction. It was about validation โ from the only people who understand how hard it is to down-pick at warp speed for 4 minutes straight without needing a wrist brace. ๐๐ช
So hereโs to all the men out there, riffing for recognition, soloing for status, drumming for dominanceโฆ
And doing it louder than the gods intended. ๐๐ธ
Rock on, lads. The science is in your favour.
๐ฌ What do YOU think?
Do you shred for the ladies, the lads, or the love of the riff? Drop a comment and tag the bandmate youโre trying to impress the most. Donโt lie โ we all know itโs Dave. ๐
