aka “What in the name of Lemmy were they thinking?!” 😅🔥
Let’s face it — even legends can have a stinker. Whether it’s a bizarre genre shift, dodgy production, or just a total betrayal of what made fans fall in love in the first place, some albums get roasted harder than a Greggs pasty left on a car dashboard in July. ☀️🥵
So, buckle in butt, we’re diving headfirst into the albums that made fans go “NOPE,” critics go “WHY,” and record labels go “oh god not again…” 💀👇
1. Metallica – St. Anger (2003)
🎧 Snare like a biscuit tin, no solos, raw rage
Oh aye, we’re starting with that one. The infamous bin-lid snare sound, zero guitar solos, and Hetfield in full existential crisis mode. Some fans call it brave. Others call it unlistenable. Either way, Frantic-tic-tic-tic-tic-tic-TURN IT OFF!
Hate Rating: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
2. Morbid Angel – Illud Divinum Insanus (2011)
🎧 Death metal meets techno… badly
Imagine Slayer and Scooter did a collab in an abandoned car park and you’re halfway there. Fans were tamping, mun. “Too Extreme!” wasn’t just the opening track — it was a threat. 🪩🔪
Hate Rating: 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
3. KISS – Music From ‘The Elder’ (1981)
🎧 A concept album. By KISS.
Because when you think KISS, you definitely think high-concept fantasy musical with narration, orchestration, and weird medieval vibes, right? No? Exactly. Gene Simmons still looks haunted. 🧙♂️💄
Hate Rating: 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀
4. Queensrÿche – Frequency Unknown (2013)
🎧 Literally called “F.U.” – classy.
Geoff Tate’s solo-ish revenge project after being booted from the band. Rushed, sloppy, and the mix sounds like someone spilled Red Bull on the soundboard.
Hate Rating: 💩💩💩💩💩
5. Lou Reed & Metallica – Lulu (2011)
🎧 “I am the table.”
Two legends walk into a studio… and record the musical equivalent of someone reading Kafka in a haunted IKEA. Critics tried to be nice. Fans didn’t.
Hate Rating: 🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑🪑
6. Van Halen – Van Halen III (1998)
🎧 No Hagar. No Roth. Just… Cherone.
Gary Cherone (of Extreme fame) joined Van Halen and fans collectively whispered “…who?” The album flopped, Eddie later called it a mistake, and Cherone quietly vanished into the fog. 🚪
Hate Rating: ❓❓❓❓❓
7. Slayer – Diabolus in Musica (1998)
🎧 Slayer… goes nu metal?
Slayer doing groove riffs? Down-tuned guitars? Almost-rapping? This was not the Reign in Blood sequel fans wanted. Even Kerry King called it his least favourite.
Hate Rating: ⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️
8. Linkin Park – One More Light (2017)
🎧 Where’s the rock?
LP went full pop, and the backlash was brutal. Though some fans defended it after Chester’s tragic passing, others felt blindsided by the lack of heavy. Sad, poppy, divisive.
Hate Rating: 💔💔💔💔
9. Iron Maiden – Virtual XI (1998)
🎧 Bring back Bruce!
Blaze Bayley’s second outing, and it didn’t go down well. The production was muddy, the songs were long and lifeless, and The Angel and the Gambler made fans question their life choices.
Hate Rating: 🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱
10. Def Leppard – Slang (1996)
🎧 Let’s go grunge… badly.
Trying to stay “current” in the post-Nirvana era, Def Leppard ditched the hairspray for angst. But instead of fresh, it just felt confused. The title says it all.
Hate Rating: 😬😬😬😬
11. Bring Me The Horizon – That’s The Spirit (2015)
🎧 Emo-core turned pop rock
Diehard fans wanted breakdowns. They got synths. Plenty loved the new direction, but just as many felt betrayed like they’d been dumped via Instagram DM.
Hate Rating: 🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼
12. Black Sabbath – Forbidden (1995)
🎧 Feat. Ice-T. Produced by Ernie C. No, really.
The final Tony Martin album. And it’s got Body Count‘s guitarist producing and Ice-T doing guest vocals. It’s a brave mess. Some call it misunderstood. Most just forget it exists.
Hate Rating: 🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫
Honourable Dishonourable Mentions:
- Guns N’ Roses – Chinese Democracy (more “meh” than hated, but it took 14 years for that?)
- Smashing Pumpkins – Adore (Billy went gothic piano lounge and lost the metalheads)
- Suicidal Tendencies – Join the Army (you either love it or skip it)
- Megadeth – Risk (Dave Mustaine was right: they shouldn’t have taken that one)
Final Thoughts?
Every band has their Spinal Tap Stonehenge moment. It’s part of the ride. And hey — even these disasters have a few defenders. But when a metalhead says “I am the table,” you know it scarred them for life. 😵💫
Got one we missed? Let us know and we’ll slap it on the “WTF Were You Thinking?” Wall of Shame next time. 🎤🔥
🤘 Follow The Riff Report for more chaotic lists, passionate rants, and festival field wisdom – we’ve got riffs, regret, and rock ‘n’ roll by the truckload.
Diolch for reading, legends! 🏴🔥
