Well, butt, we didn’t have this one on the 2025 metal bingo card! The kings of gore-soaked death metal, Cannibal Corpse, have just unleashed their gutsiest merch item yet — a flipping colouring book. That’s right: the band behind “Hammer Smashed Face” now wants you to stay between the lines. 😳🖍️
🧠 What’s Occurring?
The Florida death metal legends, known for their famously gruesome album art and songs that sound like the soundtrack to a zombie apocalypse in a blender, have taken a… creative turn. Their brand-new official colouring book features hand-drawn, black-and-white illustrations inspired by classic Cannibal Corpse artwork, stage antics, and yes — plenty of blood, guts, and gory glory. 🔪🩸
🎨 What’s Inside?
Expect to see:
- “Tomb of the Mutilated” artwork reimagined for colouring fun
- Headbanging corpses 🤘
- George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher’s legendary neck, ready for shading
- Instruments, skulls, demons, disembowelments — all in adorable line-art style
- Gigantic pages perfect for crayons, markers, or sacrificial blood ink (just kidding… sort of)
It’s designed for adults, of course. This ain’t your nephew’s Peppa Pig colouring pad — this is Cannibal Corpse Unleashed: Colouring for the Criminally Insane. 🧠🖍️
💬 The Band Says…
When asked why, bassist Alex Webster reportedly said:
“We always wanted to do something outside the box. Our fans are creative. Now they can colour their own nightmare fuel.”
Honestly, fair. 🤷♂️
📦 Where Can You Get It?
The colouring book is available via the band’s official store and select metal merch retailers. Limited-edition signed copies include Corpsegrinder’s autograph in blood red ink (probably not actual blood… probably). There’s even a bundle with crayons shaped like bones. Only in metal, mun. 🤘🩻
🧛♂️ Why We LOVE This
- It’s weird. And weird is wonderful.
- It’s giving metal grandma vibes and we’re here for it.
- It might be the most peaceful way to experience Cannibal Corpse — unless you’ve got death growls blasting while you colour, in which case: respect. 🎧
🤔 So… Who’s Next?
If Cannibal Corpse can drop a colouring book, what’s next?
- Napalm Death: Mindfulness Journal? 🧘♂️
- Slipknot: Dot-to-Dot of the Nine? 🔢
- Slayer: Sudoku of Satan? 🔥🔢🧩
🖼️ Final Thoughts
This is the kind of unhinged merch move we didn’t know we needed — and now we want one for every death metal band out there. Stick it next to your vinyls, break out the crayons, and get ready to shade entrails like a boss.
Tidy work, Cannibal Corpse. Tidy. 🤘🎨🩸
Want a Cannibal Corpse Colouring Party at your next metal night? Let us know, we’ll bring the red crayons. 🖍️💀
#TheRiffReport
#CannibalCorpseColouring
#StayMetalStayInsideTheLines
