Deck the halls with leather and riffs, c’mon butt!
Who said Christmas has to be all Bing Crosby and bland jumpers from Auntie Kath? In the world of heavy metal, the holiday season gets a serious distortion pedal to the face. Here’s how metalheads celebrate the most brutal and jingle-bell-blasted time of the year… #NoSilentNightsHere
1. 🎅 Wearing Black Santa Suits
Forget Coca-Cola red — real Santas wear black leather and spikes. Add corpse paint, and boom: you’ve got Krampus Claus. Bonus points if you bellow “SLEIGHER BELLS!” while handing out presents.
2. 🔥 Blasting Metal Christmas Albums
Whether it’s Twisted Sister’s “A Twisted Christmas”, Rob Halford’s “Celestial”, or King Diamond’s horrifying holiday vibes, metalheads insist on turning up the festive brutality to 11.
“Jingle Bells” with a blast beat? Yes mun. 🤘
3. 🎄 Decorating with Skulls and Pentagrams
Tinsel is replaced with chains. Ornaments? Tiny skulls. The tree topper? A flaming goat head or upside-down cross. And of course, everything’s lit in blood red and corpse white. Only in Wales, mun…
4. 🍗 Feasting Like Vikings
Your typical metal Christmas dinner includes turkey legs big enough to club a reindeer, mead in horned mugs, and enough carbs to launch you into a nap that lasts ’til New Year’s. Lush.
5. 🧦 Stockings Stuffed with Patches & Plectrums
No socks here — just band patches, limited edition vinyl, picks, and maybe a Slayer-themed bauble. And if you’ve been extra naughty? A copy of Lulu by Metallica and Lou Reed 😬
6. 🕯️ Black Metal Candlelight Services
It’s not Christmas without a bit of theatrical gloom. Some fans light black candles, chant in Latin, and blast Dimmu Borgir in a church-like setting. Satanic? No, just seasonal. 😈
7. 📀 Giving the Gift of Metal (and Merch)
Metalheads love giving… as long as it’s boxsets, band tees, vinyls, or tickets to Bloodstock. No Lynx Africa gift sets here. Unless it’s blessed by Lemmy himself.
8. 🥁 Drum Solo Around the Christmas Tree
You know those little drummer boy decorations? Yeah, metal fans take that literally.
Every family’s got that one uncle who turns the Christmas roast into a double-kick drum battle on the table. Tidy!
9. ⛪ Mosh Pits at Festive Gigs
Loads of metal bands do Christmas shows, and they get feral. Reindeer horns flying, tinsel-tangled stage dives, and at least one circle pit dressed as elves. C’mon Santa, throw down!
10. 🤘 Headbanging to “Carol of the Bells”
A timeless tradition: Trans-Siberian Orchestra or August Burns Red’s instrumental versions of holiday classics. It’s basically Christmas… if Christmas had a breakdown.
11. ❄️ Snow Angels in Denim and Leather
When the snow falls, most kids make cute snow angels. Metalheads do it in full battle vests and with a bottle of JD in hand. It’s freezing. It’s stupid. It’s glorious.
12. 💀 Summoning the Ghost of Lemmy
Every Christmas Eve, at exactly midnight, true believers gather round the amp stack and whisper “Lemmy is God” into a shot of Jack Daniel’s. Then they down it, crank Motorhead, and hope his ghost appears to bless them with eternal riffs.
🎁 BONUS TRADITION: The Great Metal Christmas Movie Rewatch
Forget Home Alone. Metalheads watch Die Hard, Gremlins, and that weird Finnish Krampus horror film. And yes — Nightmare Before Christmas counts. Fight us. 🎃🎄
Final Thought:
Metal Christmas isn’t about being naughty or nice. It’s about loud riffs, warm hearts, and spiked eggnog. So raise your goblets, don your corpse paint, and scream:
🎤 “MERRYYYYY CHRIIIIISTMAAAAASSSS!!”
🎅🔥 Diolch and deck the halls with brutality, butt. 🔥🎅
