Welcome to the VIP lane, butt — where your wallet goes to die, your childhood hero stares blankly for 0.3 seconds, and your nan’s mortgage could’ve funded a selfie with Ozzy Osbourne. That’s right: we’re diving headfirst into the mad world of Comic Con celeb pricing, where autographs cost more than car insurance and a hug from a sitcom star is practically a second job. 💀
So… who’s charging the most? Who’s laughing all the way to the merch table? And more importantly — is it worth it?! Let’s rip the lid off the price list, Riff Report style 🎸🤑
🥇 OZZY OSBOURNE – THE PRINCE OF POUNDS 💷🤘
Event: Comic Con Midlands 2025
Top-tier package: A satanic symphony of spend
- VIP Family Photo Package (for 2 people): £666
- Autograph on a guitar or mic: £750
- Poster, book, vinyl add-ons: £225–£375 a pop
🧾 Grand total? Up to £1,416.
And no, it doesn’t come with a bat. Or a pint. Or Sharon telling you off personally.
📸 Banner idea: Ozzy sat on a throne made of £50 notes and Black Sabbath vinyls, flashing devil horns while Jack ghost-hunts a confused Deadpool cosplayer. Kelly clutches her engagement ring like it’s forged in Mount Doom. Sharon’s got a calculator and a stare that says, “Pay up, love.”
Verdict:
“I am the Prince of Darkness… and Debit Card Debt.“
🎬 MEL GIBSON – LETHAL FEE 💣
Event: London Film & Comic Con
- Autograph: £195
- Photo op: £230
- Gift & giggle? +£50
- Full bundle: £425
🗯️ No Braveheart discounts, no Mad Max coupons, just pure, unfiltered wallet carnage.
Verdict:
He will shout FREEDOM – from your cash.
⭐ MARK HAMILL – JEDI MASTER OF MARKUPS 🌌
Event: New York Comic Con
- Rare autographs on vintage merch: $700+
- Standard signings: $250–$350
Fans have queued lightsabers in hand, only to leave with a signature and no dinner budget for a week. Don’t forget: No photos with droids unless they’re certified.
Verdict:
“Use the overdraft, Luke.”
📺 ALYSSA MILANO – CHARMED, I’M SURE… FOR £140 💅
Event: ’90s Con
- Pro photo: £90
- Autograph: £80
- Combo: £140
Critics weren’t thrilled, especially after fans clocked a GoFundMe for her son’s medical bills running at the same time. Awkward doesn’t begin to cover it.
Verdict:
Power of three? More like three figures per handshake.
🥊 TOMMY FURY – SELFIES & SMACKDOWNS 📱💪
Event: Manchester Comic Con
- Selfie: £40
- Autograph: £30
- Combo: £73.50
For someone who got battered on Love Island and boxes part-time, it’s a tidy little side hustle.
Verdict:
You’ll leave with a blurry pic, a shaky signature, and wondering if he even knows who you are. Proper job, init?
🎤 RANDOM RATES – CON ART(ISTS)?
At Phoenix Fan Fusion, voice-actors and cult TV stars are clocking:
- Photos/autographs: $100–$130
- Notable names: Simon Pegg, Brent Spiner, and more
These are the “reasonable” ones. Which tells you everything.
📊 WHO’S THE WORST (OR BEST, IF YOU’RE RICH)?
| Celebrity/Event | Photo + Autograph Total | Bonus Madness |
|---|---|---|
| Ozzy Osbourne (Midlands Comic Con) | £1,416 | Family photo, signature on guitar, extras 🥵 |
| Mel Gibson (London Film & Comic Con) | £425 | No Braveheart freebies |
| Mark Hamill (NYCC) | $700+ | Collectors crying in Huttese |
| Alyssa Milano (’90s Con) | £140 | PR nightmare edition |
| Tommy Fury | £73.50 | Bargain basement biceps |
| Simon Pegg et al. | $100–$130 | Insert Spaced quote here |
🧠 Final Thoughts from the Pit
Comic Cons are like rock festivals but with fewer riffs and more queuing. Meeting your hero is priceless, until you see the Visa alert pop up mid-photo flash. 💳💥
Here’s the truth, butt:
- Some stars give genuine time and banter.
- Others? Smiles are extra.
- And some (cough Sharon*) charge like they’re auctioning the last bat head on Earth.
So next time you’re at Comic Con, clutching a vinyl and trembling in your DIY cosplay… just ask yourself:
“Would Ozzy charge me to breathe next to him?”
And the answer is probably yes.
🎨 Cartoon Banner Idea:
Title: “MEET & GREED”
Scene: Celebs on golden thrones made of autograph pens and fan tears. Credit cards flying through the air like Pokémon. One fan crying into a Hot Topic bag.
Ozzy’s throne says: “£666 or GTFO” 🤑🖤
Got a Comic Con tale or a celeb encounter gone weird? Slide into our inbox or tag us with your photos and receipts 💀
#MeetAndGreed #ComicConChaos #RiffReportRants #WalletSlayer2025
Diolch and RIP to your bank account! 🪦🤘
