Right. Deep breath. Confession time, mun.
Yes โ The Riff Report absolutely, unapologetically loves The Apprentice.
And no, we will not be taking questions from the metal police at this time ๐
๐ค
Twenty. Bloody. Series.
Thatโs two decades of dodgy business plans, PowerPoint crimes against humanity, taxis to nowhere, and Lord Sugar firing people like heโs tuning a Marshall stack.
๐ง FROM 2005 TO 2026: A NATIONAL OBSESSION
When The Apprentice first landed back in 2005, none of us expected it to become this weirdly comforting British ritual.
Since then weโve had:
- Logos that look like GCSE coursework
- โPremiumโ products nobody asked for
- Candidates confidently explaining things that are objectively wrong
- And that glorious walk of shame into the boardroom ๐ฌ
Yet here we are.
Twenty series deep. Still watching. Still shouting at the telly. Still asking โHOW ARE THEY STILL IN?โ
Thatโs legacy behaviour.
๐ผ LORD SUGAR: STILL FIRING, STILL ICONIC
Letโs be honest โ Lord Alan Sugar is the show.
The raised eyebrow.
The sigh.
The โwith regretโฆโ pause that sends shivers down spines nationwide.
Heโs basically the Ozzy Osbourne of British business telly at this point โ weathered, sharp-tongued, and somehow more entertaining with age.
And when he drops a line that absolutely ends someone?
Chefโs kiss. Proper job. ๐๐
๐คฆโโ๏ธ WHY DO WE LOVE IT SO MUCH?
Look, we cover rock, metal, chaos, and community โ but The Apprentice taps into something very similar:
- Big personalities clashing under pressure
- Ego vs reality
- Confidence without competence
- Group projects gone violently wrong
Itโs basically a prog-metal concept album, but with spreadsheets.
Also โ letโs be real โ watching people mess up spectacularly while claiming theyโre โdisrupting the marketโ is oddly soothing after a long day.
๐ธ IS IT ROCK โNโ ROLL? ABSOLUTELY NOT
๐ค IS IT ENTERTAINMENT? 100%
Would we crowd-surf to it? No.
Would we headbang to the theme tune? Maybe ironically.
Would we still watch every episode with a brew and shout โYOUโVE FORGOTTEN THE COSTINGS!โ at the screen?
Absolutely, mun.
Music snobbery is boring.
Liking things ironically is exhausting.
Liking things genuinely โ even if theyโre a bit daft โ is punk as hell.
๐งพ THE VERDICT FROM THE BOARDROOM
Series 20 is here.
The format still works.
The chaos still hits.
And yes โ The Riff Report is locked in.
Judge us if you mustโฆ but youโre probably watching too ๐
๐บ The Apprentice returns on BBC One and iPlayer
๐ฅ 20 years of boardroom carnage and counting
Now if youโll excuse us, weโve got a logo to redesign badly and a business plan to forget halfway through.
Youโre fired. ๐ผ๐ฅ
