New shores, same glorious carnage at sea – let’s set sail, butt!
Oi Sailors! The world’s heaviest cruise is back, and it’s changing course for 2026. That’s right, 70000TONS OF METAL, the world’s biggest floating festival of face-melting riffage, is now setting sail to Nassau, Bahamas – and the first wave of bands is already making noise louder than the ship’s engine room. 😈
🌴🧭 New Destination: Goodbye Labadee, Hello Nassau!
Due to safety concerns, the cruise is no longer docking at Labadee, Haiti, and instead will set course for Nassau, Bahamas. It’s tropical, it’s chaos-friendly, and it’s got bars on every corner.
📅 Sailing Dates:
January 29 – February 2, 2026
🛳️ Aboard Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas
🚢 Departing from Miami, Florida
Still included:
- 🎸 60 bands
- 🎤 Each band plays twice – once out, once back
- 🛁 4 epic stages (including the legendary pool deck)
- 🖤 No VIPs. No hierarchy. Just band-to-fan glory.
🤘 What Makes 70000TONS the G.O.A.T. of Metal Cruises?
- 🪩 Mosh pits in the sunshine
- 🍕 Unlimited food (and surprisingly good pizza)
- 🍺 Meet-and-greet madness — bands roaming freely
- 🎹 Clinics, karaoke, belly flop contests (yep, really)
- 🤯 Over 120 shows in 4 days
- 🧟♂️ Fans from over 70 countries!
This ain’t your mum’s cruise — it’s floating heavy metal Valhalla.
🎸 FIRST 27 BANDS ANNOUNCED – MELT YOUR PASSPORT
Here’s who’s confirmed so far. And yes, it’s already filthy:
- Aeternam (symphonic death)
- Amorphis (melodic metal legends)
- Angra (prog/power gods)
- Blood Red Throne (Norwegian death metal)
- Cryptosis (tech-thrash chaos)
- Dalriada (Hungarian folk metal)
- Destruction (thrash royalty)
- Draconian (doom/goth faves)
- Ereb Altor (epic Viking doom)
- Evergrey (dark melodic prog)
- Exhorder (groove originators)
- Finntroll (folk/black trolls)
- Flotsam and Jetsam (thrash titans)
- God Dethroned (Dutch death machine)
- Gorguts (avant-garde death)
- Hammer King (true heavy metal)
- Holy Moses (female-led thrash fury)
- Kalmah (melodeath swamp monsters)
- Myrath (Tunisian prog with flair)
- Nervosa (Brazilian thrash queens)
- Night In Gales (melodeath classics)
- Omnium Gatherum (melodic death juggernauts)
- Samael (industrial black metal)
- Sirenia (symphonic metal elegance)
- Suffocation (brutal NY death)
- The Halo Effect (ex-In Flames melodeath supergroup)
- Unleashed (Swedish death veterans)
And this is just the first wave. The full 60 will blow the barnacles off your boots.
💳 COST BREAKDOWN – HOW MUCH DAMAGE TO THE WALLET?
✈️ FLIGHTS FROM THE UK
- Economy: £450–£650
- Premium Economy: £800–£1100
- Business Class: £2000+
✈️ Tip: Fly in the day before to avoid delays & grab a pre-cruise pint.
🚢 CABIN OPTIONS
| Room Type | Price (USD/person) | What You Get |
|---|---|---|
| Interior | $900–$1100 | No windows, cheap, pitch-black sleep cave |
| Ocean View | $1100–$1300 | Porthole, basic light, ideal for solo drinkers |
| Balcony | $1600–$1900 | Private deck for sunrise hangovers |
| Junior Suite+ | $2500–$4000+ | Massive, swanky, rockstar energy |
Prices are based on double occupancy — you can find cabin mates via the cruise forum or Discord groups.
🍺 DRINK PACKAGES – PLAN YOUR POISON
Royal Caribbean offers tiered drink packages, and trust us, you’ll want one:
🥤 Refreshment Package
- No booze, but unlimited sodas, mocktails, coffee, etc.
- ~$30/day
🥤 Classic Soda Package
- Just fizzy pop. Useful if you’re DIY’ing with rum in your cabin.
- ~$13/day
🍹 Deluxe Beverage Package (THE GOOD STUFF)
- Unlimited cocktails, beer, wine by the glass, juices, lattes, etc.
- $65–$90/day, depending when you book.
🔥 Tip: Buy before the cruise to save cash.
You’ll make it worth it in 5–7 drinks per day, easily.
🧠 PRO TIPS FOR FIRST-TIMERS
- Hydrate or die trying
- Pack smart: sunscreen + black clothing = roasted metalhead
- Plan your schedule, but expect chaos
- Talk to bands – they’re literally everywhere
- Don’t skip Nassau – tiki bars + rum = reset button
🧮 TOTAL COST ESTIMATE (FROM UK)
| Tier | Flights | Cruise | Total Approx. |
|---|---|---|---|
| Budget Banger | £500 | £900 | £1400 |
| Mid-Tier Mosh | £600 | £1300 | £1900 |
| Balcony Baller | £700 | £1800 | £2500 |
| Rock God Mode | £1000+ | £3000+ | £4000+ |
Food’s included. Booze isn’t. But memories? Free and chaotic.
🏁 FINAL WORD: THIS IS METAL NAVIGATION, MUN! ⚓
Whether you’re a seasoned sailor or a first-timer clutching your earplugs, 70000TONS OF METAL 2026 is the pilgrimage of a lifetime. And with Nassau on the itinerary, sunshine, rum, and riffs are guaranteed.
This is not a cruise for the faint of heart. It’s for the mosh-ready maniacs, the stage-diving lifers, and the metal family from every continent.
Get your tickets. Pack your vest. And pray to Lemmy you don’t miss the boat.
🗣️ Over to you:
🎸 Who else do you wanna see on board?
🍻 What’s your drink of choice in the hot tub mosh pit?
🌊 Would you survive a black metal limbo contest at sea?
👇 Hit the comments, tag us, and stay loud:
@theriffreportuk | #70000TONS | #NassauOrNothing | #MetalCruiseMadness | #AllAboardTheRiffShip
