🔥Grab the tissues, grab the leather jacket, and grab your emotional support battle vest — because we’re diving head-first into the most chest-pounding, heart-shredding, lighter-raising power ballads ever forged in the fires of Mount Riffmore. These aren’t soft…These aren’t guilty pleasures…These are weapons-grade emotion with distortion pedals, butt! 🤘😭🔥 Let’s get stuck in… 🎤 1. […]

🎸Tidy news for metalheads and rum goblins everywhere! Raise your tankards, ye scurvy dogs — because Iron Maiden have just dropped a drink so iconic, even Eddie himself looks like he’s about to stagger off the shipwreck and ask for a double. Introducing: THE RUM OF THE ANCIENT MARINER — a premium Caribbean dark rum inspired by […]

Good Things Festival, Melbourne — pure scenes, pure chaos, pure festival silliness. Alright butt, gather round — because the internet’s blowing up over a very Australian showdown at Good Things Festival yesterday. And before we go ANY further: 👉 Justice for Beach Ball Guy. 👉 FREE THE BALL. 👉 HE WAS JUST VIBING, MUN. Let’s […]

“Is everybody in? The ceremony is about to begin…” 🤘 The psychedelic shamans of rock are officially back in the shops, and they’ve brought a sonic time machine with them. The brand-new THE DOORS – IMMERSED 1967–1971 Blu-ray collection has finally landed, and butt… it is lush as hell. 🥵✨ This beast of a box […]

Metalheads of the world, unite — because the Prince of Darkness might finally be getting the holiday he deserves! A massive fan movement, spearheaded by @ThisDayInMetal, has blown past 10,000 signatures on a petition calling for July 22nd to be officially recognised worldwide as Ozzy Osbourne Day. And honestly? Long overdue, mun. Very long overdue. […]

C’MON BUTT… gather round the merch table, because we need to shout this from the mountaintops of Cymru to the backstreets of Leeds… VERSUS ARE AN ABSOLUTE TIDY BUNCH OF LEGENDS. 🤘😄 Not only did they sit down with us for a proper lush interview, but they also sent the entire Riff Report crew a […]

🎶🔥 FAMOUS SONGS WITH LYRICS WE ALL GET WRONG — WHAT’S OCCURRING, MUN?! 🔥🎶Welcome back to The Riff Report, where we lovingly ruin your favourite tunes by telling you what they actually mean. Strap in, butt — some of these are proper “WTF?!” moments. 🤘😂 👀 THE POLICE — “EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE” The vibe […]

If your Christmas playlist has been feeling a bit too polite, too cosy, not enough catsuits and falsetto shrieking… worry not, butt — The Darkness have arrived like glitter-covered elves armed with Flying Vs to save the season! 🤘✨ Yup, our favourite glam-rock mischief-makers have unleashed a life-affirming, over-the-top, gloriously daft cover of Cliff Richard’s […]

How Do You Go From Three #1 Albums To… THAT? Only in 2025, butt… only in 2025 would THE BEATLES — the biggest band in human history, the group who invented half the modern music industry by accident — drop the fourth entry in their legendary Anthology series and somehow debut at… #48. Forty. Eight.For […]

Tidy philosophy for life, innit? Alright butt, gather round the merch pile — it’s time for a public service announcement from The Riff Report:Metalheads AND Rockers do NOT age.We simply respawn with more black T-shirts, more leather jackets, more gig scars, and a collection of tour laminates that would make a museum curator weep with […]

The Riff Report Tribute The rock world woke up today to heartbreaking news: Justin Baren, former teen pop-rock star and bassist with that unmistakable vintage swagger, has died aged just 40. And c’mon butt… this one stings. Proper stings. 😢 🎸 A TEEN STAR WHO NEVER LOST HIS EDGE In the mid-2000s, Justin became one […]

Well here we go once more unto the breach, fellow maggots. Slipknot’s resident chaos conductor, artistic mastermind, and metallic bonk-wizard Shawn “Clown” Crahan has spoken — and Look Outside Your Window, the mythical, whispered-about, half-holy side-album that’s been teased longer than Half-Life 3……is delayed. Again. Tidy! 😭🤘 🌪️ THE ALBUM THAT’S BECOME A LEGEND This […]

— The Riff Report gets loud, honest, and slightly cheeky about Guns N’ Roses’ two new tracks and the curse of the ageing rock titan. C’mon butt… grab a pint, shove your denim jacket on, and settle in. Because today we’re diving head-first into one of rock’s spiciest questions: Why can’t so many legendary 80s […]