🎸🍆 BIOHAZARD’S EVAN SEINFELD SAYS HE MADE MORE MONEY DOING PORN THAN MUSIC, SHOCKING ABSOLUTELY NO ONE 🍆

🎸By The Riff Report’s Department of “Well, Yeah Obviously…” 😏

If you’ve ever looked at your bank balance after a night at the pub and thought, “Maybe I should start a band…” — Biohazard’s Evan Seinfeld is here to tell you: don’t. Start a porn career instead. 💀

Yep, the bassist/vocalist from the legendary NYC hardcore crew has come clean (or, depending on your search history, not so clean) about which side of his career actually paid the bills — and it turns out, getting paid to perform under the sheets was way more lucrative than getting paid to perform on stage.

Seinfeld — who moonlighted in the adult industry under the name Spyder Jonez (because of course he did) — said he made way more cash doing porn than playing music. And honestly, are any of us surprised? The man’s been moshing since the early ’90s, and unless you’re Metallica, touring hardcore doesn’t exactly come with a yacht and a jacuzzi full of champagne.

💰 Rock vs. Cock: The Ultimate Paycheck Showdown

Let’s break it down:
🎸 Band life = split royalties, dodgy promoters, dodgier motels, and 200-mile drives for a crate of warm Carling.
🍑 Porn life = no soundcheck, no backline issues, and you still get to perform in front of a camera — just… a different kind.

Hard to argue with the man’s logic, mun. 🤘

🎥 From the Pit to the “Private Collection”

Biohazard were the band if you liked your riffs brutal and your energy nuclear — pioneers of the NY crossover sound that blended punk, metal, and “I might actually punch someone to this.” But while Seinfeld was screaming his lungs out onstage, he was also, er… screaming his lungs out elsewhere.

His work in the adult film industry gained its own cult following (because of course it did), and suddenly the bassist who once shouted about social decay was… showing off his own bassline.

If you’d told us back in the day that the guy who played “Punishment” would end up making more money punishing something else entirely, we’d have called you mad. But here we are. 😅

🤘 Hardcore in Every Sense

Credit where it’s due — Seinfeld’s never shied away from his choices. He’s built an entire brand around owning who he is, whether that’s shredding a bassline or, well, shredding something else entirely.

And in a world where rockstars are constantly reinventing themselves (we’re looking at you, Machine Gun Kelly), at least Evan didn’t pretend to be something he’s not. He’s still hardcore — just in a slightly… different position. 😏

🏴‍☠️ Moral of the Story, Butt

Music might feed the soul, but apparently porn feeds the wallet. And fair play — Seinfeld’s living proof that if you’ve got the stamina to survive the mosh pit, you’ve got the stamina for other stages too.

So next time your band’s arguing over petrol money, maybe… diversify your skill set. 😉

Tidy hustle, Spyder. Tidy hustle.

💀 #TheRiffReport | #Biohazard | #EvanSeinfeld | #SpyderJonez | #HardcoreHistory | #RockAndRaw | #OnlyInMetal | #BrooklynBedlam 💀