Early Entry Mayhem, Forest Tears & Cave Stage Chaos

πŸ“ Upcote Farm, Cheltenham – July 9, 2025
✍️ The Riff Report | Covered in glitter and screaming about Graphic Nature since 2pm

πŸ•οΈ Welcome to the Cult of Trees

Ah, Wednesday at 2000trees β€” the day the faithful arrive early, pitch their tents wonkily, and begin the four-day pilgrimage into riff-fuelled nirvana. While the β€œofficial” festival doesn’t kick off until Thursday, Trees veterans know the real magic starts on Day Zero.

You get:

  • Smaller crowds βœ…
  • Shorter bar queues βœ…
  • And the smug joy of knowing you were here before it got cool βœ…

If you thought this would be a chill warm-up, you’ve clearly never been smashed in the face by a URNE riff while clutching a Β£7 pint and crying to Katie Malco in the woods.

🎢 Who Played – and Who Blew the Roof Off?

🌲 The Forest Stage – Cry, Hug, Repeat

2000trees’ Forest Stage isn’t just a stage. It’s a spiritual experience. Fairy lights, acoustic sets, and a vibe so emotional you’d think everyone just rewatched Titanic.

  • Katie Malco opened the stage with a set so delicate and devastating, people were openly weeping into their Strongbows. β€œBrooklyn” hit like a breakup text from your teenage crush. Absolutely lush.
  • Jamie Lenman (Unplugged) proved yet again why he’s a national treasure. Acoustic? Yes. Mellow? Absolutely not. He delivered banter, bangers, and belly laughs, with stripped-back takes on β€œBody Popping” and β€œIt’s Hard to Be a Gentleman.” Bloke had us sobbing one minute and snorting cider the next.
  • Sophie Powers brought Gen Z energy and post-pop angst, rocking a set that flipped between soft vulnerability and chaotic glitch-pop rage. β€œNosebleed” went off. She’s one to watch, butt.

πŸ’£ The Cave & Neu – Chaos in Canvas

Over at The Cave Stage, the mood was less β€œemotional release under the trees” and more β€œsmash-your-face-against-a-speaker-and-hope-for-the-best.”

  • URNE kicked off the carnage with a sludge-metal monster of a set. Basslines heavier than your aunt’s Christmas pudding and riffs that rattled your ribcage. Absolute filth. πŸ”₯
  • Graphic Nature… oh boy. They set the Cave on fire. Their blend of nu-metalcore and pure rage was exactly what this crowd came for. Their cover of Linkin Park’s β€œOne Step Closer”? Life-changing. Someone in the pit lost a shoe and didn’t care. That good.
  • HERIOT closed out with atmospheric, thunderous brutality. Frontwoman Debbie Gough is a possessed banshee of beauty and destruction. β€œNear Vision” and β€œCoalescence” melted minds and made believers of us all.

🍻 Festival Vibes Check – Campsite Edition

If Wednesday is the warm-up, Trees campers were already in mid-festival form. The fields were filled with:

  • DIY flagpoles made of beer crates
  • Blokes in full banana costumes playing kazoo versions of Enter Shikari
  • People yelling β€œWHERE’S MY TENT?” while clearly inside their tent
  • The classic 2am emo singalong sessions that can cure a broken heart or cause one
  • And the ever-reliable chant of β€œONE MORE TUNE!” from someone who definitely peaked too early

Atmosphere rating? 10/10 feral.

πŸ” Food & Drink – Fuel for the Forest Folk

The food trucks were already rolling out the goods:

  • 🍟 Loaded fries with more toppings than logic allows
  • 🌱 Vegan doners that made meat-eaters question their life choices
  • πŸ§€ Mac & cheese bowls that could start religious movements
  • πŸ• Pizza slices the size of a vinyl record

Drinks were flowing, pints around Β£6.50–£7.50, ciders cold, and water refill stations actually functional. No long queues yet β€” the midweek miracle lives!

🧻 Toilets: The Early Days of Hope

Let’s be honest, this is the best they’ll be all weekend.

βœ… Clean
βœ… Still stocked
βœ… Not yet a biohazard zone

Enjoy it while it lasts, mun.

πŸ† RIFF REPORT’S WEDNESDAY LEGENDS

🎀 Best Set: Graphic Nature – absolute chaos merchants
πŸͺ© Most Unexpected Pit: During Jamie Lenman’s β€œIt’s Hard to Be a Gentleman” – someone two-stepped in a cardigan
🌭 Best Festival Moment: Guy cooking sausages in a George Foreman plugged into a generator, mid-crowd
πŸ‘Ÿ Lost Item of the Day: Size 10 Converse, last seen airborne
🍺 Best Quote: β€œI came for the riffs, stayed for the vegan curry and tears” – overheard in the Forest Stage queue

😬 The Bad Bits (Because Nothing’s Perfect)

  • Wi-Fi/Signal = None. If you lost your mates, they now live in the woods. Accept it.
  • Hard ground = broken pegs galore. It’s like pitching tents on a brick.
  • Bit of sound bleed between stages, but honestly, who cares when every set rips?

πŸŒ… The Final Word: Trees Is Alive, Baby

Wednesday 2025 was everything we wanted and more:

  • Intimate? βœ…
  • Loud? βœ…
  • Emotional? Absolutely βœ…
  • Slightly unhinged already? Hell yes.

The pre-show magic is what makes Trees different. It’s not just a festival – it’s a weird little forest cult built on riffs, beer, and friendship bracelets. By the time the main stage opens, we’re already half feral and full of feelings.

πŸ“Έ Got your own pics from Wednesday? Tag us @theriffreportuk and let’s see β€˜em!

🎧 Playlist drop incoming: β€œWednesday at Trees – The Emotional Support Riff Tape”
🧼 Reminder: shower now or never.

Next up: THURSDAY – full main stage meltdown with Turnstile, Frank Carter, Holding Absence & more!
Stay loud. Stay weird. This forest belongs to the freaks now.

C’mon then butt, let’s make some noise before the world wakes up. 🌲πŸ”₯🎸