Right then butt, let’s talk about Subway – the so-called “healthier” option in the fast food jungle. Once upon a time it was the place to grab a custom sandwich that made you feel fancy, like you were building haute cuisine… except with sweaty cheese and bread that smells like a GCSE science experiment gone wrong. 😅
The Fall of the Footlong 🤦♂️
Remember when a Subway footlong was actually a footlong? Now you’re lucky if it’s the length of a Greggs sausage roll. The bread? Weirdly spongy. The salad? Sadder than a Sunday hangover. And don’t get me started on the “chicken teriyaki” – it looks like it’s been microwaved by Satan himself.
Prices Gone Mad 💷🔥
Back in the day, you could get a sub, drink, and a cookie for under a fiver. Now? You’re looking at £9+ for bread, a squirt of sauce, and three bits of lettuce. Proper daylight robbery! Especially when you could pop to the chippy and get a full fish supper for the same price.
The Experience 🍪
Ordering a Subway is basically speed-dating with bread:
- “What bread?” – None of them taste like bread.
- “What salad?” – A handful of lettuce that looks like it’s been on tour with Slipknot.
- “What sauce?” – Always too much or not enough, never perfect.
The cookies are the only reason anyone still goes. Let’s be honest – we’re all here for the white choc macadamia. 🍪💚
Should They Give Up? 🪦
Honestly? Subway feels like the Nickelback of fast food – mocked endlessly but still somehow clinging on. They’ve shut loads of stores across the UK, and unless they sort out their quality (and prices), they’ll be toast. Literally.
Verdict: Proper shambles, mun. Subway needs to either level up or pack it in before they become the Woolworths pick’n’mix of the food world.
👉 What do you reckon, butt – do you still eat Subway or is it dead to you? 🤔
Michael is the founder, editor, and chief riff wrangler behind The Riff Report, an independent Welsh rock and metal publication built by fans, for fans. With a lifelong passion for loud guitars, unforgettable live shows, and the incredible community that surrounds rock and metal, he created The Riff Report to celebrate everything that makes the scene special—from legendary headline acts and grassroots venues to rising bands that deserve to be heard.
A familiar face at festivals across the UK, Michael spends much of the year covering events including Download Festival, Bloodstock Open Air, Steelhouse Festival, Firevolt, Plumpton Revival, and many more. Whether he’s battling the Welsh weather on a mountainside, surviving a weekend in a muddy campsite, or squeezed against the front barrier with thousands of fellow fans, he’s always searching for the next great story to share.
As editor of The Riff Report, Michael writes festival guides, breaking news, album reviews, gig reviews, interviews, opinion pieces, nostalgia features, and behind-the-scenes stories from across the rock and metal world. His writing combines honest opinions, humour, and a genuine love for live music, bringing readers closer to the bands, festivals, venues, and people that keep the scene alive.
Michael is particularly passionate about supporting independent artists, local venues, charities, and the wider UK rock and metal community. He believes every band deserves a chance to be discovered and every festival has a story worth telling. Through The Riff Report, he aims to shine a spotlight on both the biggest names in rock and the future stars waiting to break through.
When he’s not writing or interviewing artists, you’ll probably find him exploring festival campsites, photographing live shows, chatting with fellow fans over a pint, or planning the next road trip in search of more riffs, bigger crowds, and unforgettable moments.
Above all, Michael believes rock and metal are about more than music—they’re about community, friendship, and creating memories that last a lifetime. That’s exactly what The Riff Report exists to celebrate.
Proudly Welsh. Proudly Loud. Always chasing the next great riff. 🤘
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