Why does Malaysia get fry heaven while we get the crumbs, mun?
Brace yourselves, fellow carb crusaders — for McDonald’s has truly broken our hearts this week 💔
Somewhere far away, in a glorious, greasy paradise known as Malaysia, McDonald’s is serving XXL fries the size of a toddler’s torso. Yup, a bucket of fries so big you need two hands and emotional preparation to lift it.
Meanwhile, here in the UK? We’re still being handed “large fries” that look like they’ve been rationed by your nan. 🥲
🍟 The XXL Dream We’ll Never Taste
As reported by Metro (and now imprinted onto our salty souls), McDonald’s in Malaysia is trialling XXL fries – and not only are they massive, they come as part of a meal WITH A SIDE OF FRIES. You read that right:
Fries… with a side of fries.
That’s not a meal – that’s a religion.
The box is so big, it makes our UK large fries look like those sad samples you get handed out at shopping centres. You could build a small shed out of the Malaysian fry boxes. You could fit a miniature corgi in one. You could… sorry, lost in the dream again.
🇬🇧 Meanwhile, in the UK…
What are we getting?
- Cold chips if you’re not at the front of the drive-thru queue 🚗
- A “large” box that’s mostly air and about 17 actual fries
- Salt? Not guaranteed.
- Ketchup sachets that take more effort to open than GCSE maths.
It’s not enough, Ronald. It’s never been enough. 😤
😤 The UK Deserves Better
We survived Brexit, Greggs running out of sausage rolls, and the entire McCrispy ad campaign. We’re built for greatness. We are a nation that queues patiently and eats chips in the rain.
So why, for the love of gravy, can’t we get the XXL fries too?
✊ Our Demands
We, the undersigned lovers of lard, demand:
- XXL fries in the UK.
- Fries on the side of fries.
- Fry boxes so large they require a forklift.
- An XXL fries loyalty card with a free defibrillator after 10 buckets.
😂 Twitter Reacts (Because Of Course They Do)
“Just saw the Malaysian McDonald’s fries and now I’m booking a flight. Sod Glasto, I’m going for chips.”
— @FryBeforeGuys
“UK McDonald’s could never. They’d charge £8.99 and give you 12 chips and a single napkin.”
— @SaltMeDaddy
“If I don’t get XXL fries by Christmas I’m eating Wotsits for dinner out of protest.”
— @OrangeFingers99
🧂 Final Word: We’re Salty. Literally.
We don’t ask for much here in the UK. Just a pint, a packet of crisps, and maybe a future where our chips don’t look like they’ve been plucked out of a Happy Meal from 2003.
So McDonald’s, if you’re reading this — give the people what they want. Fry justice. Chip equality. The right to clog our arteries like the Malaysians can.
Because over here… we’re XXL sad.
💬 What do you reckon, butty? Should we start a campaign?
🖕🍟#FriesNotLies
🏴 #CymruChipsForever
Michael is the founder, editor, and chief riff wrangler behind The Riff Report, an independent Welsh rock and metal publication built by fans, for fans. With a lifelong passion for loud guitars, unforgettable live shows, and the incredible community that surrounds rock and metal, he created The Riff Report to celebrate everything that makes the scene special—from legendary headline acts and grassroots venues to rising bands that deserve to be heard.
A familiar face at festivals across the UK, Michael spends much of the year covering events including Download Festival, Bloodstock Open Air, Steelhouse Festival, Firevolt, Plumpton Revival, and many more. Whether he’s battling the Welsh weather on a mountainside, surviving a weekend in a muddy campsite, or squeezed against the front barrier with thousands of fellow fans, he’s always searching for the next great story to share.
As editor of The Riff Report, Michael writes festival guides, breaking news, album reviews, gig reviews, interviews, opinion pieces, nostalgia features, and behind-the-scenes stories from across the rock and metal world. His writing combines honest opinions, humour, and a genuine love for live music, bringing readers closer to the bands, festivals, venues, and people that keep the scene alive.
Michael is particularly passionate about supporting independent artists, local venues, charities, and the wider UK rock and metal community. He believes every band deserves a chance to be discovered and every festival has a story worth telling. Through The Riff Report, he aims to shine a spotlight on both the biggest names in rock and the future stars waiting to break through.
When he’s not writing or interviewing artists, you’ll probably find him exploring festival campsites, photographing live shows, chatting with fellow fans over a pint, or planning the next road trip in search of more riffs, bigger crowds, and unforgettable moments.
Above all, Michael believes rock and metal are about more than music—they’re about community, friendship, and creating memories that last a lifetime. That’s exactly what The Riff Report exists to celebrate.
Proudly Welsh. Proudly Loud. Always chasing the next great riff. 🤘
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