By The Riff Report β Because band practice is sacred, and so is Slayer. ππ€
π« Whatβs Occurring?
Metal Lords is the metalhead teen comedy we never knew we needed β a mash-up of School of Rock chaos, Freaks and Geeks awkwardness, and Spinal Tap-level obsession… only this time, itβs about two lads trying to bring real heavy metal to a school battle of the bands.
Forget acoustic guitars and sad indie boys in cardigans β these kids are out here repping Black Sabbath, Metallica, and Anthrax while wearing corpse paint in PE. π
Itβs loud. Itβs weird. Itβs got heart. And yes, it might just inspire you to start a band with your weirdest mate and scream until detention.
π¬ The Plot: Riffs Before Relationships
Meet Hunter β a metalhead so intense he thinks Slipknot is mainstream. Heβs got the attitude, the riffs, and a deep hatred of musical mediocrity.
Then thereβs Kevin, a painfully average drummer in the school marching band who just wants to hang out and maybe not be a total loser.
Together, they form Skullf**ker (yes, really). Their goal? Win the Battle of the Bands and show everyone that METAL IS LIFE. π€π
But life gets messy:
- Kevin falls for Emily, a cello-playing girl with anger issues and actual musical talent.
- Hunterβs obsession with trve kvlt metal starts pushing Kevin away.
- Parents, bullies, and literal psych evaluations threaten to crush the dream.
- And the school? Theyβd rather hear a Coldplay cover than Reign in Blood.
π₯ Why It Rocks:
- Genuine love for metal β the references are deep, the riffs are real, and the cameos? Oh, buttβ¦
- Tom Morello (Rage Against the Machine)
- Kirk Hammett (Metallica)
- Scott Ian (Anthrax)
- Rob Halford (Judas Priest) shows up like a heavy metal fairy godfather in a dream sequence. Yes. Really. π€―
- Emily the cellist is a surprise MVP β an outsider who brings heart and brutal string solos. The moment she jams with Kevin? Proper lush.
- It gets what it means to love music at that age β the embarrassment, the obsession, the gatekeeping, the deep, furious need to be taken seriously.
- The final performance?
π₯π₯π₯ It’s pure chaos, emotion, and distortion. Proper βYESS MUN!β moment.
π§ But Itβs Not Just Noise…
Metal Lords has a soul buried beneath the blast beats. Itβs about:
- Friendship vs. fandom
- Finding your people β even if theyβre a bit weird
- Accepting that not everyone needs to love Slayer to be cool (but it helps)
It captures that awkward teenage in-between β when youβre not a kid anymore but still donβt know who the hell you are, except that youβd rather scream into a mic than go to prom.
π A Few Flat Notes:
- It sticks to the βmisfit band movieβ formula a bit too closely. Youβll guess the ending a mile off.
- Some character arcs feel rushed β especially Hunterβs descent into madness and back again.
- It couldβve gone even heavier (where was the mosh pit?!)
But hey, if the biggest flaw is βneeded more metal,β then youβre doing alright.
π€ Final Riff
Metal Lords is for the weirdos. The ones who scrawled Metallica logos on their pencil cases. The ones who felt like outcasts, but found meaning in distortion and double kicks.
Itβs funny, touching, and makes cello solos feel METAL AS HELL. π»π₯
You donβt have to wear a battle jacket to enjoy itβ¦
β¦but it bloody helps.
π€ Riff Report Rating:
4.5/5 Flaming Flying Vs π₯π₯π₯π₯β¨
+1 bonus point if youβve ever tried (and failed) to scream like Phil Anselmo in your bedroom
Remember, butt:
Friends come and go. But METAL?
Metal is forever.
#MetalLords #Skullf**kerRules #RiffReportReviews #StayHeavy #CelloSoloOfDoom #GatekeepGaslightGojira
Michael is the founder, editor, and chief riff wrangler behind The Riff Report, an independent Welsh rock and metal publication built by fans, for fans. With a lifelong passion for loud guitars, unforgettable live shows, and the incredible community that surrounds rock and metal, he created The Riff Report to celebrate everything that makes the scene specialβfrom legendary headline acts and grassroots venues to rising bands that deserve to be heard.
A familiar face at festivals across the UK, Michael spends much of the year covering events including Download Festival, Bloodstock Open Air, Steelhouse Festival, Firevolt, Plumpton Revival, and many more. Whether heβs battling the Welsh weather on a mountainside, surviving a weekend in a muddy campsite, or squeezed against the front barrier with thousands of fellow fans, heβs always searching for the next great story to share.
As editor of The Riff Report, Michael writes festival guides, breaking news, album reviews, gig reviews, interviews, opinion pieces, nostalgia features, and behind-the-scenes stories from across the rock and metal world. His writing combines honest opinions, humour, and a genuine love for live music, bringing readers closer to the bands, festivals, venues, and people that keep the scene alive.
Michael is particularly passionate about supporting independent artists, local venues, charities, and the wider UK rock and metal community. He believes every band deserves a chance to be discovered and every festival has a story worth telling. Through The Riff Report, he aims to shine a spotlight on both the biggest names in rock and the future stars waiting to break through.
When heβs not writing or interviewing artists, youβll probably find him exploring festival campsites, photographing live shows, chatting with fellow fans over a pint, or planning the next road trip in search of more riffs, bigger crowds, and unforgettable moments.
Above all, Michael believes rock and metal are about more than musicβtheyβre about community, friendship, and creating memories that last a lifetime. Thatβs exactly what The Riff Report exists to celebrate.
Proudly Welsh. Proudly Loud. Always chasing the next great riff. π€
Comments